Im trying really hard but i cant. Five yeats is alot and now this.

I'm trying so hard to not let the fact that the person I want to marry is getting deployed and will soon be on his way to Syria or Afghanistan. I'm so scared, even when he comes back I won't be able to be with him for five years maybe more. He's my best friend, my lover, my hopefully future. I have something with him that I don't want to loose and I will never have with anyone else. I am so afraid of something happening to him.

I've just got over the experience of going to the extreme of having suicidal thoughts, and I really don't like them. I can relay on anyone of my family to talk to, around me there's only negativity and if someone were to listen and see how I'm feeling they wouldn't be able to do anything because they're to busy with their own problems. I need him, he completes me. I don't have other friends I could call to get support. I feel so alone.