**LONG!**Sorry Had To Vent
These couple of days have been the toughest! Being 18 and pregnant, not having any family or friends supporting. My boyfriend and father of my baby is in jail and will be out in March (only got 2 months), it truly sucks how he was the only one supporting and keeping me happy and now I have to wait to get my true happiness back. I currently live with my parents and I understand that they hate the fact that I'm with my boyfriend and of course that I got pregnant, but I'd at least appreciate some support from my mother. She makes everything so difficult, I've been doing everything I need to do! I didn't drop out of school, I've been looking for resources to get the help I need in order to move forward, I do what I can! I don't understand why she can't see how much I'm trying. Yesterday she told me that my sister in law asked if she was going to have a baby shower for me and she says "I told her that I don't like those type of things and that you have to suffer" I just looked down at the ground and tried to change the conversation.. She honestly doesn't know how much I actually am suffering already, she thinks I planned the pregnancy or that I wanted it but that's not the case!! I hid my pregnancy for months I'm due in May, I didn't tell her anything about the pregnancy until December because I was terrified of how she'd act. I never complained about anything, if I'd feel sick or feel any type of pain I didn't say anything just stayed quiet and would act normal but now that she knows about the pregnancy I can't even say my stomach hurts once because she makes it a big deal and says that once again I need to suffer through it.
I literally do everything behind their backs and do what I need to do in order to maintain myself! My mom has only gone to one of my appointments and she tried to deny the fact that she was in the room hearing the heartbeat when my brother and his wife asked her. Then her constant shit talking about the pregnancy and my boyfriend have me not wanting to bring her around to anymore appointments, rather just be alone and suffer alone like she wants me to do!
Sometimes it feels like she wants to see me suffer! Yesterday we brought my nieces to the house, I can't say no because then she'll say I'm just jealous. In reality I just hate the fact that every time they're here I have to be the one disciplining them! One of my nieces is 4 years old and the other one is 3, since my mom and uncle (who also lives with us) let them do whatever they want of course they act out and start to either hit or throw a big tantrum when they don't get what they want.. But I'm just being jealous if I try to tell them to stop! I don't understand what I'm doing wrong!! 😭
I've suffered almost my whole life, none of which they're aware of and now I can't take it anymore! I'm tried of crying myself to sleep, tried of feeling like a failure, tired of going out and hiding my stomach because I'm an embarrassment to my mother! I just want to be happy 💔 Sorry for the long venting!