So 5 months ago I had a baby. I didn't give birth, I had a c section. I didn't want one but the doctor said I needed it.. to be honest I feel like she just made it up to get it over with. Baby pooped in me and when I was 9cm I started getting a fever, that's when they said I'd need a c section. I didn't get to hold him right after. I don't really remember holding him at all. The medicine they gave me made me very sick. I slept and puked for the first 10 hours after the c section. Anyway I finally felt better, I wanted to breastfeed so bad but my doctor said my boobs were all breast tissue and not milk. And my nipples are flat. And since I was out of it for so long they gave him a bottle with the biggest longest nipple they could come up with (exaggeration, but it was big and the formula flowed like a river unlike my boobs) he'd basically scream bloody murder when I tried to stick my boobs in his mouth. So I tried pumping at home but produced very little, my fiance had to go back to work the day I came home from the hospital and I had one of those babiesthat refused to be put down lol so pumping was really fun as I listened to him scream. Anyway I gave up. I produced next to nothing anyway. My boobs never leaked or became engorged. They never changed during pregnancy and they didn't change after. I'm so unhappy. Not with my boy because he's awesome especially now that he doesn't scream when set down lol ..he could sleep longer but besides that he's perfect. It's all me. I don't feel like a woman. If it weren't for modern medicine ie formula and c section, he or I wouldn't be alive. I'm a failure as a woman.