in laws stressing me out

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My inlaws are usually great - basically because there not very close to my husband. His mum left him and his brother when they were 3 and 1.5 and didn't have contact (was too hard for her because their dad was an arse) untill my OH got in contact at 17. She has NEVER been a mum to him at all!! We go visit every month or two but wen we do we have to visit EVERYOne else in the family so we spend a couple hours each with everyone in one day. There 1.5 hours drive away. We have asked MIL to come down and stop. Umerous times but it's too far for her to drive, or get a train yet she expects us to travel up to her all the time. 
She rang my OH the other day and said she was feeling left out and pushed out because we don't go to hers for Christmas or New Years. I've told my OH that we can go that's no issue but he doesn't want too because th last time he went he spent the day driving, eating cold meat and had a not great day. Since being with me we have gone to my parents whom treat him more like their son than his mother! So on top of this she said that to let me go to my BIL wedding (which she isn't allowed to go to due to him not forgiving her for the above) she will look after out 3 week old little one so she can have the day with 'her baby' 1) it's not her baby!! It's mine and my husbands! 2) I'm not going to the wedding because I do not know if my child will be breast solely or not yet it depends. She said I could express - no one seems to realise that not everyone can Brest feed or realise that if they can they may not be able to express especially 1 month old!! Even my midwife has said I may have trouble!!  Also if she isn't going to see the child before this date (see below for reasons) then why would I leave my child for the day with a grandparent it doesn't know and who doesn't know it AND being stressed out for both of us due to the feeding situation???
On top of this she then has the audacity to complain about me having our child at the hospital local to my parents. The reason for this is because last year I nearly died and all my medical records, medical team, consultants etc know my history and it's the safest place for me to be. Me and my OH made h is decision for this reason!!!! Plus I have a bigger support network than where we live (again1.5 hours away from my parents as well). She starts complaining, I was going to take a few days off to come help then find out she's staying at her mums for a couple of weeks after - well of course I am. I have too!!! The Midwife's come every couple of days if not every day those first 2 weeks!!! Plus like you know all medicals tidf is there and I trust them!!! We have told her she can come to my mums but she's unhappy with this. We have said come down when I'm back home, again unhappy with this.  Gahhhhhhhhhh. This is not your child! I want her to be a part of all our lives but it hurts my husband each time she says coming to see him is too far!! (This is all just the tip the issue is a lot lot longer with a lot more back story.) she is a loverly person but everything has to revolve about her and my husband and I have to out the little one first right?