Marriage before family?

Question

Something that's really getting to me is all the flack I'm getting for wanting to start a family with my bf before we marry. Why do people think it's their prerogative to tell me what to do? Yes I stopped taking birth control and am having unprotected sex in the hopes I get pregnant. Guess what? My bf and I talked about it first and decided that's what we wanted to do! Been together for 4 years, have stable jobs and feel ready emotionally. Marriage is something we want to do but his family has a tendency to baby first, ring later and I'm ok with that. I'm just so tired of people telling me "I can't have a child out of wedlock" or " do you want to be alone?" Um no I won't be alone we are together already and will stay together after baby. Why is there so much stigma of baby before marriage?

Answer

I'm in the position you are in. I was diagnosed with PCOS last year, and just turned 26 a couple weeks ago. My Bf will be 32 in April, and we want children. I have a bachelors degree, a full time job as well as part time. He is military and goes to school. We have a house, and are saving money for some land. We decided that it is better to try now, rather than later, as I've already had a miscarriage and we aren getting any younger. I was raised catholic and so my parents don't like that I am trying to conceive before marriage. My bf was married before and so was I at a young age. We see how that turned out and decided that a piece of paper should not determine our relationship or ability to have children. My mom did make a point that being legally married is important in some ways, because if something were to happen to your bf, you would have no say, everything would be handled by his family, and vice versa. If we did get married, it would be just to legalize what we already have.

Answer

All I would say to this is marriage changes the playing field- changes the road you're on and how you handle almost everything. That's why those that love you probably want you to get married first. Why not a courthouse wedding? To each His own but you posted so I suppose you want to hear opinions

Answer

Marriage before that is better but it's your choice. Being married before makes it less stressful it's a contract some say. But I wouldn't have a baby with out being married. Even if they say they'll be with you if you do I've seen plenty of people who say that and took it back  marriage makes its a safe haven basically

Answer

Marriage is just a price of paper if y'all want a baby who care what anyone else thinks.

Answer

Happy single parent! Glad I didn't marry that asshole what a mess I'd have got myself into.

I know plenty of people that divorced not long after having kids 
Guys get jealous of babies

Answer

My fiance and I have been together almost 3 years, we're getting married in April around our 3 year mark. Our daughter is almost two and we're trying for our 3rd child. We got pregnant couple months after getting together and realized we wanted to try for this "happily ever after". It's been hard at times, especially early on when we were basically still getting to know each other while preparing for a baby. I knew we would both love our daughter whether we were together or not. I'm very lucky everything worked out for me, I have an amazing soon to be husband, wonderful stepson, beautiful daughter, and we're trying to conceive our third child. Marriage doesn't always make a family but if you love each other a family could make a great marriage.

Answer

It isn't for me, but children generally aren't for me. You do you.

Answer

I am currently pregnant and not married. We weren't actively trying but we weren't actively preventing either. We plan on getting married eventually but we are so excited to be parents! It's none of anyone's business what we decide comes first and it shocked me when his Mom was thinking we'd get married before the baby arrived when she found out.  Umm no I deserve the wedding I want. What's actually even more shocking is the ladies on here that judge people about it. As if they think they have a say on what we should do/ should pass judgment on it at all. It's like thanks stranger..?

Answer

The only thing that bothers me is when people have babies when they have no way of taking care of them! You seem like you have a stable life! You both have jobs and you know you love each other! If I was you I would be trying for a baby too! I can't wait to start a family and I don't think you have to be married to do so! That's just dumb!

Answer

I don't know. Honestly having children out of wedlock is far more common now then it was 50 years ago. I'd say it's pretty normal. This generation is different from the ones before us, but it's different for the older gen to want us to continue on the way they did. It's also popular in religion and whatnot. It's a personal preference. Let them talk, smile and nod, and at the end of the day follow your heart. Its really no big deal if you ask me.

Marriage before family?

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