Ever since my daughter was born, I've been having a hard time coming to terms with everything that happened.

My daughter was born only 4 pounds 5 ounces, even though she was full term. They said she suffered from IUGR which was caused by an under performing placenta and umbilical cord. They said that some kind of trauma during early pregnancy caused it... they don't know what.. and I don't either.

I catch myself feeling like I failed my daughter. Her face has palsy in it, and I'm scared she will look deformed forever. Is it my fault? Why did my body fail her? I sensed something was wrong my entire pregnancy and my doctors made it seem like I was overreacting. At my follow up appointment, my OB said she was sorry. She said next time I get pregnant, they will do more tests and deem me high risk.

Next time? As if I could ever get pregnant again and not feel an immense guilt! I would never put another child through the terrible nightmare my daughter went through.

She was STARVING. She could have died if she had been in me a day longer. She was better off out of me than in me. I couldn't take care of her.

And now she may be messed up for the rest of her life and I am so scared. I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. I cannot help but think of all the things I dreamed for her future that may be gone now that this has happened.

I feel like a terrible mother.

I love my daughter. And I'm obsessed with her. And all I want to do is hold her and care for her and fix all of this. I just don't know how.

I'm sorry if this is so long, but I needed to get it out. My husband... he seems so strong and worry free. He trusts it will all work out. And I don't anymore... I know I'm lucky to have her and I know that God has a plan... I guess I'm just mourning the plan I had.

Did anyone else have a child with IUGR that wasn't caught until after they were born? Did they have facial and body issues? What happened? Are they OK now? What did you do?

I'm just so scared. And I feel so guilty.