Telling a friend who is having trouble conceiving that you are pregnant

Malissa
Hi ladies, I need your help. I am looking for advice about how to tell my friend who has been TTC for years and struggling with infertility issues that I am pregnant. I know writing her a letter to allow her to react in her own way is truly the best course of action. But what do I say? I can't formulate the words that truly express my love for my friend without sounding like I am gloating. Can you help me say the right things? For those who have been there, what did you do? Or how would you have wished the news would have been conveyed to you? Thanks in advance for any tips you can provide. 
444 views • 0 upvotes • 20 comments

COMMENT (20)

An

Posted at
I would say it keep it simple. Most often friends and family try to say more than is necessary and end up saying offensive things to the infertile. Just tell her you have some news and don't want to upset her by surprising her with a public announcement. Tell her how much you love her and that when she is ready emotionally you can't wait for her to be involved (when she is ready!) Good luck! She will be happy for you but sad for herself. Don't worry she will come around once it settles in. 

An

Angie • Feb 4, 2017
Also, I never minded a phone call but I know a lot of other women who struggle that take offense to personal contact because then they feel the need to fake excitement and hide their tears. A letter isn't a bad idea. It just depends on your friends personality I think.

Na

Posted at
I dont think writing a letter is a good option. Just tell her straight up. Regardless shes going to have to suck it up and be happy for you. Not to sound mean but you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells just because she cant conceive. Tell her shes going to be an aunty and you are excited about your pregnancy. 

Na

Na • Feb 4, 2017
If u dont want to tell her to her face, then call her or text her. But writing a letter seems like walking on eggshells

pr

pr • Feb 4, 2017
Definitely. I'm glad she has a different personality. You should be ok then. Maybe get a little gift for her from the baby. I'd have it be something between the two of you.

Ma

Malissa • Feb 4, 2017
Sorry to hear that. Luckily this friend is a beautiful selfless person who is struggling. She will be very happy, I'm sure. I just want her to be able to have her own private reaction if she needs to.

Ra

Posted at
As someone who has struggled with infertility for over 4 years now and two of my friends have had babies in that time I would tell her face to face. One of my friends did it over text because she wasn't sure what to say and the other did it face to face. My friend who did it face to face wanted to tell me personally as she did feel bad because of our situation, but we are friends and my god I would not want my friends feeling bad over their happiness. Yes it was upsetting for me and we had a little cry together but I'm so happy for her. I'm sure your friend will be over the moon for you. Xxx

Ch

Posted at
My opinion on this would be, if you make it something weird she'll react to it weird. If you make it a beautiful thing than she will be happy for you. Personally for me I would be highly offended if I had infertility issues and my best friend was pregnant and felt the only way to tell me was thru a letter, it would make me question our friendship. I completely understand your worry about her reaction, however that's on her, you can't control how people choose to react to things! At the end of the day do what you feel is best for your situation! 💖🌸

Gi

Posted at
I've got the same worry about revealing my pregnancy; I didn't think I could conceive, and I have a friend who I know is trying and not having any luck.I know what it's like to see couple after couple announcing their pregnancy to the world, and feeling like a failure, because you don't think your body can do it too.So, when I get pregnant completely by accident, my partner and I decided not to really announce it; no Facebook, just privately told a few friends and family and left it at that. I even stopped using Facebook. I just don't want anyone to feel like I'm rubbing it in or boasting. We live in a different country now to the friend who is also struggling. I don't want to write an email or be direct, as I know it would hurt her, even though she would never tell me so. I just hope that she and her husband get some luck and can start their own family :) 

Ja

Posted at
I had been trying for about a year and a half when my best friend fell pregnant again (3 months post partum). She knew of our struggle and she felt horrible telling me. She kept saying she was sorry and that they wanted close babies but didnt realise it would happen first try. I spent more rime telling her not to feel bad and that im so excited for her than being sad for myself. I was a little sad on the drive home by myself but it gave me more hope for the next month of trying imagining that theyd be close in age if we were successful this month etc. It ended up taking us another year and 2 rounds of ivf to conceive. Tell her you worried about her feelings. Tell her how much she means to you and let her feel what she feels. Ultimately, if she is a true friend she will be there for you.

Ja

Jak • Feb 5, 2017
Also, she told me at her house. That way I could make an excuse to leave if I wanted to.

Li

Posted at
We don't know your friend or you so this is a very personal decision you must make. For myself, I struggled for 8 years and personally I would rather have received a text.  I would have felt less bombarded and able to deal privately.  

Fa

Posted at
Just tell her she'll be happy for u. I have an Inlaw trying for 13 years and I had 3 going on 4 in the last 7 all girls. She's more then happy for me