*Long post* Did my midwife cost me my home birth?

Question

I'm posting this because I had a somewhat traumatic birthing experience and need to find closure. I'm almost 6 weeks PP and no complications since she was born but I'm still working through my birth experience. I've posted the story before but I'll repost with a few comments so that anyone who reads can comment having read the whole thing. Also, I spoke to my doula who said she was iffy about the whole thing and isn't sure if it was a mistake or if she just didn't explain what happened and we filled in the blanks assuming she screwed something up. Did my midwife cost me my home birth without medication? Or was this inevitable? Was it her fault I had to endure this pain for so many hours or just a fluke? I spoke to the head midwife of the company who said she believes it was baby's head positioning that caused my swollen cervix but she agreed also that there was definitely a lack of communication that should have happened at least! I really don't know what to think anymore! I think I'm going to talk to the midwife who attended my labour but I don't know if I can believe her or not. I doubt she would admit to a mistake. What do you think? Any insight would be appreciated. TIA!

I went into labour around 7:30 pm on Sunday night (the 1st) at my parents' house just after dinner. It felt like Braxton hicks combined with bad period cramps layered with diarrhea cramps but it all started in my back. At first I refused to believe I was in labour because I didn't want to get too excited (plus two days before my due date didn't want to get my hopes up). I went to the bathroom and had diarrhea so I thought it could be just that or it could be the real deal.

We stayed at my parents for a little and timed contractions which were about 13-15 mins apart. I decided we should go home and my hubby and dad joked that they wanted to finish their movie first- yeah right! So we went home and took the dogs for a walk to see if we could get things moving. Walked for about 20 mins and contractions went from 13 to 10 mins apart...so when we got home I called our doula to give her a heads up so she could arrange childcare etc. for her family and called my mom to bring our dogs to the kennel.

Contractions went from 10 to 8 then started skipping between 7-8 mins then 4-5 mins apart. It was only 10:30!! At this point the pain didn't end in between contractions. I had those cramps in between and continued running to the bathroom...We finally called the midwife who lives an hour away and said I really think things are progressing fast and you should come now! By the time she got here (in one hour!!) my contractions were 2-3 mins apart and I was in the shower labouring with my doula spraying my back and hubby pressing my hips. It hurt a lot...like my hips were breaking open. Midwife checked me and I was already 6 cm in 4 hours!! She was amazed. When she checked me I leaked water so we assumed my water was broken and baby's head was blocking my cervix.  So she called her second attendant (a nurse) to come out right away.

***Here is where it gets a bit dodgy:

The next two hours I went all the way to 9 cm and was having the urge to push. My midwife said she could feel the baby's head (she checked me on my hands and knees...is that normal??) so she said if the urge was overcoming me that I could push. It felt good to push against the contractions. She checked me again after 5 or so contractions and realized the bag of waters was still in tact and the one corner of my cervix was swelling and still not back all the way to 10. She said "Oh, your water isn't broken. You need to stop pushing". I wasn't really cognizant of what was going on at that point but my husband said that when she said that he almost lost it...Shouldn't she have known for sure that I was ready to push before telling me I could? Is this a common occurrence or a mistake?

So she broke my water at that point and that's when it got really really intense as baby's head was pushing down now. I continued to labour in my bed on all 4s leaning on a stack of pillows and on my side at 9 cm for 4 more hours (yes, it was agony). At this point she told me after 5 more contractions she would check me. I kept breathing through each one and counted down in my head 5 5 5...4 4 4... etc.

After I made it through the last one, she checked me and there was no change. I broke down crying at that point because it had been so long and I was out of my mind in pain. We all decided together that it was time to go to the hospital and get pain relief so I could rest and relax enough to finish dilating. I should note that my baby's heart rate never changed or showed any signs of distress. She was so strong for me. They put in an IV, called the hospital and EMTs to come get me.

My hubby called my mom and dad to meet us at the hospital. He packed the rest of our things as he was crying because he knew how much I wanted a home birth and he was so worried and sad seeing me in so much pain. I tried so hard to bring our little girl into the world in our home. Due to the set up in our house (raised ranch), they could not safely bring the stretcher inside. So my hubby and one EMT had to walk me out...yes- walk. We live very close to the hospital but the ride there was the longest 5 mins of my life. It was excruciating and I was scared without my husband or doula in the ambulance. I just had the midwife and EMTs.

We got there and they admitted me at 8:08 am. They gave me nitrous oxide while I waited for the anesthesiologist. He didn't arrive until 9:30 because at our hospital, anesthesiologists work on call only. While on the nitrous I somehow ripped my IV out and was hyperventilating. The gas takes the edge off during contractions but believe me, it still was unbelievable pain. At this point I had left this earth and was just functioning on instinct. I don't remember much except that I was very confused when they tried to give me instructions and my head was pounding. In between contractions I felt amazing as I was so stoned! When you breathe the gas it is loud and sounds like a kazoo buzzing while amplifying your vocalizations. My husband said it was really scary watching and listening to me at this point.

Finally the doctor arrived and administered the epidural. He told my husband he had to hold me still...but my hubby said I just went limp in his arms and didn't move through the whole thing. Then, it took about 30 mins for the block to take total effect. With each contraction, the pain went away a little bit at a time until it was finally gone around 10 am. So it was about 6 hours of labouring at 9 cm before the pain was taken away. Finally I could relax and rest.

The epidural gave me awful tremors but they covered me with heated blankets and my hubby comforted me. We all talked and joked for the next hour and 45 mins while I waited for the pressure to build up to push. At 11:45 or so, the midwife checked me one last time. Before she did, we discussed what would happen. If I was at 10- I could push my baby out. If I wasn't, the OB/GYN would be taking over care and we would either start a pitocin drip or go for a c-section. We were scared, but I was able to think clearly and trusted that my baby would be ok since I could hear her heart beat still strong and happy. She checked my cervix and I was at a 10! Finally! It was time to meet our daughter.

I pushed through the pressure for 1 hour and near the end, I could feel her head with my hand and it gave me so much excitement and the will to push with all my strength. As she crowned my hubby cried "I can see her little face!" And I pushed so hard! Once her head was out it was one more push and she slid out and they put her in my arms at last. We both cried so hard- she was so beautiful-screaming and bright pink!

Isla Marguerite was born on January 2, 2017 at 12:45 p.m. weighing 8 lbs 2 oz and measuring 20.5 inches long! Even though she was born on the 2nd, she was still the first baby born at our hospital- the New Year's Baby! We made the front page of the local newspaper- what a little diva!

Her cord was thick and healthy and my husband cut it- overcoming his biggest fear throughout my pregnancy. They took her to the incubator across the room to assess her as we both had a fever and I bled quite a bit. My midwife thought I might have a uterine infection. They put me on antibiotics and baby's fever went down right away on its own. Mine took a few hours but with some oxytocin my placenta was delivered and I was stitched up while I watched my husband across the room falling in love with our little girl and getting to hold her for the first time.  It was the happiest moment of my entire life. I didn't care that I tore or that labour was so hard. Pushing her out was triumphant and exciting. Every single minute was worth it.

We stayed for observation for about 30 hours and went home the next day at 5 pm. We have been doing very well since then and are still over the moon in love with our baby. She is our perfect miracle and I'm so glad that it all happened the way it did so that we could have a safe delivery. Every time I look at her little face, I feel so happy and complete. Like my life hadn't even begun before she arrived. Our world has been changed forever and we feel like the luckiest people on the entire planet! ❤️

Answer

I'll be honest (having had 3 babies myself) all birth is painful. My first I delivered vag and pain med free. Walking while in labor is not unusual. Hands and knees is a great position and absolutely acceptable to check your cervix that way. Only in a hospital setting do you lay on your back during labor. It takes longer that way and isn't the best. Water breaking can sometimes be super obvious. With my third born it popped like the movies. But most often it's a trickle and it's hard to tell if it's pee or water. Epidural give you chills. I've never had gas, glad for that so I can't comment on it. I understand your birth felt traumatic to you and didn't go as you had hoped, but I don't think it sounded so bad. Your midwife was uncomfortable enough with your progression to send you to a hospital. That's for your safety.

My second born should have been a normal delivery. I delivered my first born pain med free and progressed from 4-10 in 4 short hours. But during labor with my second, his heart kept stopping. We became concerned enough after monitoring to pull him out. NOT what I had planned or hoped for. After I delivered him I couldn't hold him. I was on the table being stitched up as I cried without my baby. he needed to be monitored by the pediatric cardiologist. He's 4 and a perfect tiny human.

My third I had hoped for a VBAC and planned for one. Except that when my water broke, he was breeched. He had flipped the night prior. Repeat C, NOT my plan.

I try really hard not to focus on how my kids got here, or the scars associated with those deliveries. Birth is scary and dangerous. Yes, it can go textbook allowing for delivery at home, but it doesn't always go that way. We have an increasing mortality rate for Moms during childbirth in the US. Safety HAS to come first and must trump our plans. It's ok to mourn that your plans were not as you had hoped, but at some point it's important to focus that your child is here healthy

Answer

I am by no means an expert, and about 23 days away from beong a first time mom. But there is a great podcast called the Birth Hour. Each episode is a different birth story from a different woman, ranging from unassisted home births to elective c-sections. There are about 150 podcast so far. Honestly, while each birth is unique, a lot of the things your midwife did sound very similar to the actions of the midwife in the home births on the podcast. It is unfortunate that it didn't turn out the way you wanted - but it doesn't sound like your midwife cost you your home birth.

Answer

No, I don't think she did anything wrong.

Answer

In my opinion no she didnt. She acted put of medical necessity because your labor was not progressing. Birth experiences never go as planned. I just had my first baby in December. My water broke (like movie gushed and It looked like a river) at 11pm. I got the hospital at 11:30pm and was 6cm dilated already and my contractions were 4 or 5 minutes apart. They called for the anesthesiologist and the doctor and it took about 45 minutes for them both to get there. I was 9cm dilated when they arrived snd was unable to get an epidural because it was too late. When the doctor arrived the realized my baby had flipped breech and I had to have an emergency c section. My point is they did what was best for you and your baby as did my doctors. I hadn't planned on a c section but it was what was best for me and my baby. I feel like you had this image in your head and it didn't turn out how you wanted, but that doesn't mean someone made a mistake. Babies have a way of doing things their own way

Answer

A midwife delivered my daughter at the hospital. I got the urge to push when I was at a 9 and they told me I couldn't push yet. (Not pushing was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know how you did it for so long.) After a little while the midwife said I wasn't a full 10 yet but she let me go ahead and start pushing. Daughter was here 45 minutes later. IMO I don't think your midwife did anything wrong.

Answer

I want to add that it probably want the epidural giving you tremors, it was probably adrenaline. A lot of women shake during labor :)

Answer

No she didn't. In fact her actions protected your and your baby's life. If your labour wasn't progressing the best was transferring you to the hospital where there are more alternatives to evaluate reasons and monitoring conditions. Birth is really intense and unpredictable... For instance, I really wanted an unmediated birth, ended up with a caesarean after 26hs I first entered the hospital. I have no regrets, no hard feelings, no complaints... In fact, I'm 4 months later I would do it all again. For me it was all like sailing through a revoultous sea. Lots of adrenaline... But I will never forget the first time I saw her. The whole world stopped for a while and in that moment I felt complete, the closest I have been to God!

Answer

I don't think she did anything wrong. If she decided to keep you at home, that would have been wrong. But you did it and your baby is healthy. 
I understand how you feel though. With my second, I had an epi and my son was born at 11:10 when he should have been born at 9 but doc had emergency csection.  When he was born, he was purple from pressure of being in birth canal and wasn't crying. It was traumatizing for me and husband. I hated my doc for a little while but have come to terms with it. He had to save that other baby and thank god for that.

Answer

I planned for a natural med free birth at the birth centre. I too had to transfer to hospital but I was still able to deliver without meds. I had the urge to bear down from 6cm on and had to breathe through it, even during a 30 min ambulance ride! My entire labour was back labour so was quite painful. I drank arnica water and took homeopathic remedies for back labour. when the midwife told me we were transferring I completely trusted her judgement and had no Bad feelings towards this.. I was a little disappointed when having to write down where baby was born. It was important to me to be med free though and my doula wanted me to make up a code word for when I wanted it, I refused to and said that I won't be getting pain meds and would be really disappointed. One aspect of having a midwife and doula that I liked was that they made sure when talking about my birth preferences to discuss and work through my feelings if things were not to go as planned. I feel like this too is a very important part of birth prep in order to avoid a traumatic birth. It's also very important to be able to trust your care provider. I hope that you can talk through your birth experience with your midwife and find closure.

Long post Did my midwife cost me my home birth?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey