Help.

So last year during the second semester i switched schools. I thought i would have no friends the first few days. On the first day i met a guy who would become my best friend. Turns out he only got up the nerve to talk to me cuz he thought i was cute. But he stuck around even when i friend zoned him and he was always there for me. He was my best friend. For about five months. But it felt like years. Around month four we began dating. And it was okay. But we broke up. And i was angry. And we didn't talk all summer and in the beginning of september i lashed out and we haven't even looked at each other since. It hurts because somebody who was there for me when i had nobody is gone. And a few hours ago i told him all this in a message. And i thanked him for helping me through tough times. And i feel sick. I can't tell if i want him to read the message and reply or if I'm praying he ignores it and never even notices it. I just want my best friend back but i know it won't happen. And i feel sick to my stomach about it. I don't know what to do