Help I am Insane

In two years I will finish school and have my associates, start working. Once I finish I will move to California. I have family there and they will be happy to see me, no matter what.

I want to be pregnant so bad and I have a boyfriend of 3 years who I want to be the father but... he is not father material. He isn't even a very good boyfriend. I want to trap him BUT NOT MAKE HIM PAY CHILD SUPPORT. I figured I could ghost him and just be a single mom. Maybe spend time with my family but if they don't like me after having a baby out of wedlock, I could be on my own.

I own a house and a car, baby supplies from my sister that she passed down to me... all I need is money and since I will have a job, it could work out... maybe?

I feel twisted sick and like I am everything wrong with women. Maybe it is hormones but I'm taking full accountability for these thoughts. Anyway, I'm anon because I'm sure you hate me too. Adpotion is not an option for me... neither is a sperm donor. I wish I could have a sperm donor. If only...