suicidal thoughts

So I'm up it's 5 am. Can't sleep.  I have a 10:30 class later. And I can't stop thinking about how worthless i am. It's really annoying how sensitive, emotional and inconsistent I am. My depression is so bad it inconveniences the people around me and they love me too much to just be honest about it. I'm always fucking sad. I always hate on myself. I don't want to but there are just countless things to hate never enough to love. I cry myself to sleep a lot. Everybody tells me I'm worth something but it's all bull shit to keep me from killing myself. It's the same bull shit I'll hear if I see a therapist or call a hotline. I feel extremely hopeless like I'm gonna be sad and useless forever. I really fucking wish I was normal.