what should I do?

Question

So last week I saw that my husband was texting with his ex they have two kids 12&13. In the message she was apologizing for what she told him and that she was sad and thinking a lot. Well I'm pissed bcs one he had told her not to text him unless it's about the kids and it's best if she just lets his parents know what's going on so there won't be any issues between me and him since she tends to go off subject and just tries to talk to him. That's what we had agreed on. She ovioiously is not over him and I don't know what she intends to do or what she's trying to do. Well my issue is that my husband deleted all the messages from there previous conversations so I don't know exactly what they were talking about but the text he forgot to delete she apologized for telling him what she did. And that she was just sad and was thinking a lot. She cheated on him that's why they got divorced so I know she has a lot of guilt regrets everything. I really don't know what they we're talking about and since I asked my husband to tell me why was he talking to her & about what he says about his daughter but in that short text they don't mention her. Also when I asked him what was she sad about he said he didn't remember. That's bs I think he's lying and maybe hiding shit. If he didn't have anything to hide or didn't want me to assume things he could of been upfront from the begging and didn't have a need to delete anything. It makes me think they were taking about there past. This is exactly why he told her to back off in the past but now he says he has kids with her and if she texts him he can't help it and will text her back. I'm pissed, I ask him what they were taking about and what was she sad about. This makes me upset bcs me and my husband had agreed If she needed something she would let my inlaws know and they would let us know bcs the ex doesn't know her place. She thinks she can do what she wants. And she needs to respect that now he's married to me & she doesn't need to be all up in my husband life like that trying to be his friend and all nice to him. what she does with her life is her business. But I'm also upset at my husband for allowing her & if I wouldn't of dicovered those messages who knows how far this could of gone. She tries to get my husband to feel sorry for her all the time. And tries to talk to him all the time. I think that's not ok. Am I overreacting. And why does my husband get mad at me when he's the one that went behind my back to talk to her and then deleted there convos. I almost want tell her myself to back off but if she sees he talks to her back when she wants then that will make me look dumb. I just have a bad feeling about this I trusted my husband but now that he doesn't want to tell me what's going on or what they were talking about makes me think he lying to me. What would you ladies do? Should I just let it go?

Answer

Ive learned that if you have a gut instinct due to a potential red flag, it's better to cautiously explore it than to shrug it off. I shrugged things off for awhile only to later discover infidelity. Not trying to insinuate that this is what's going on (nor alarm you!). But I have learned the hard way to trust my instinct. Also, if men are lying about something like infidelity (worst case scenario, obviously), they usually deny, deny, DENY until confronted with hard evidence. Even then, they often will still deny. I would suggest that you keep your eyes and ears open. Don't let it consume you, but be very aware of things.

Best wishes with this. ❤❤

Answer

Unpopular opinion here because I read the other comments and they say you're over reacting but from a girl who went through a relationship of the man deleting shit and constantly saying "I don't remember" as an excuse to lie, I'd straight up say he wouldn't be doing this if there wasn't anything to hide. Although I've never been in a relationship with a man who had kids with another woman. It would drive me bonkers lol.

Answer

I think it's sad that you expect the in laws to be your messenger. He has children with this woman. It's his job to keep the boundaries and your job to trust he is doing so. I do think you are overreacting.

Answer

I think you are over reacting in a way. It sounds like whatever she said was rebuffed by him, or he rejected it in some way. Which implies to me nothing is going on because he won't allow it. I could be off base, it's just what I'm getting for it. 
I'd be angry with her too, and him for deleting the texts & not being upfront about the contents. It makes me wonder if she was thinking about stuff and told him something along the lines of wanting him back or something....and he declined. Totally guessing here, lol

what should I do?

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