So totally of subject about baby's right now, just wanna share how I feel, I've come to realize no matter how much I try to change things inside me or even think differently, I am physically, emtionally, mentally and fincinally drained...I tell myself more than once in my head I'll be alright whatever situation or feeling I'm going thur I'll grt thur it, and there's probably other ppl out there with bigger problems than you...but I still can't help the fact that, nothing and I mean nothing in my life is going right, yea sure I might have a job, but I hate it so much to when I walk in everyday my smile I have drops to a frown and I feel so outta place, sure I have my own car hut I'm behind in my notes have no clue when I'll ever make that up, and let's not top off my living situation. Sure I have my own place but how can I be happy when I'm barely making ends meet to keep that place, I'm also in a realtionship and I love that man with my heart, but you know how a relationship is at times so I don't have to say, I'm happy tho he's there for me when I need him the most I just wish I could get out of my selfiness and be there for him more. I know half the things I stated most ppl might look at this post and say she's complaining but least she has, but what nobody fail to realize is no matter how much you have or dont have, if you aren't happy with life, none of that matters, sometimes I wonder if God is actually punishing me, because this depressed stated that I'm also too familiar with visits me more than ever, sure I smile and seem like things are great but it's something buried deeper in me I just wish things would go my way for once. I think that's part of the reason I'm not pregnant yet and by right I'm happy I'm not who wants to bring a kid in the world where the mother constantly worried herself, that wouldn't be a good environment for that child, I'm just hoping and praying I br okay because and this point my faith is dissappearing, I feel like giving up, I feel like a loser in my head and nobody even knows that's how I physically feel...
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