Why is it so hard to let go of someone who is clearly very toxic to you and your son ?! Why do I have to have a good heart and want to see the best in people when clearly the best is not what they are giving , why do i feel bad for him when deep inside I know I need to leave I know my son and I deserve better. He Ioves our son when her remembers . Why do I want to leave so bad but the thought of not being with him anymore breaks me yet being with him has made me miserable . My old self would've just left any asshole in a heart beat would've never even given them chance to disrespect me a second time I wouldn't even over think it. Where is my old self , come back ! I pray for the strength to get out of this hell hole but I feel like I can't do this alone. Like I need support a friend family someone.

Just thinking .....