Okay so if you go back on some of my older posts you'll see my marriage has some serious issues. My husband uses drugs and lies on a regular basis, as well as screaming at me and cussing at me and just being a typical relapsed drug addict. About a week ago I told him it was over (for the 100th time because I'm a wimp) and he cried and said he would tell me EVERYTHING.

He then proceeded to tell me that just since we have been married he has dropped acid, done shrooms, snorted coke twice, taken narcotic painkillers daily for all of last summer while I was pregnant on top of what I already knew: that he smoked pot and abuses an adderol prescription.

He really isn't getting the help he needs. Not really going to AA, promising to attend a program but already backing out because of work... if anyone reading this is from michigan you know about all the crazy winds, well he does the trees and cuts them off power lines so they work a ton of hours during windstorms like these. His work has always comes first even when it keeps him out of church or meetings.

We have been married 2 years, he makes me happy when we aren't fighting, we are best friends in our hearts but the tremendous amount of stress involved with this relation ship is getting to be so hard. We have a beautiful 4 month old boy who does not need to grow up in a house of drug use and fighting between mom and dad.

I am so conflicted. Despitr having the full support of friends and family as well as a great job as an RN, the thought of being a single mom terrifies me. I'm the type that needs my part time job, I need the break at the end of the day when my husband gets home and takes care of the baby for a few hours. I can't imagine working full time and having all my free time dedicated to the care of a baby, even though I truly adore this child with all my heart.

And then there's the fear that my husband will do what he threatens which is fake the pee test and get half custody, which I do NOT want. Not only because I am afraid of my baby being around a relapsed drug addict but also because I would miss my poor son so freaking much if he was away from me for every other week. That breaks my heart even to say.

I don't know if I should stay to be with my son and hope my husband changes or just get out now before my son has any memories of us together that will hurt him as he gets older. I'm also so terrified of what type of woman my husband would get with and that would be raising my son. What if he doesn't realize I left for the drug use and wants to live with his dad?? Or what if something happens to him at my husband's house because of the drugs? God I am so sad and mad at myself for this whole situation. If you have ANY advice, any ideas, please share. I'm a hurting momma tonight.