Little rant.

The fella I was seeing and I broke up at the beginning of January because he moved far away and long distance was just too hard on us--we had barely been together at all so not much of a foundation to build on. Mid December we basically had our last hurrah and had a lil too much fun and now I'm pregnant. Since then, he has opted out of parenthood in favor of continuing to get into trouble (he was trying to avoid that when we are together, but since he moved, he kinda went backwards again and got back into some bad habits). I am alone.

There's nothing quite like pregnancy to shine a light on how alone you are. I'm in a state that definitely took two participants and yet, all the responsibility is on me. I have no one to lean on. I have no one to rub my back or make dinner when I'm too tired or nauseated. And I have no one to share the burden of raising a child. Don't get me wrong...I'm still happy about my nugget. I'm sure he or she will be a blessing in the end. But you know the saying "It takes a village."? This poor kid just has me.

I recently moved to my city. I have one local friend. My mom lives about 3 hours away. My dad is dead. I have no siblings. I have no one *I* can lean on for support. And frankly, to be a woman with. I was a woman long before I was a mother. I miss male attention. I miss affection. I miss cuddling. I miss going to bed at night with a warm body whose mere presence helped me feel more secure. I miss feeling loved and desired.

And I'm very aware that I "should just focus on the baby." I'm not about to re-up my OkCupid profile or anything. I'm definitely out of the dating game for the foreseeable future. I'm just...I dunno. Sad, I guess? Probably largely due to hormones, but Geez. The struggle is real. Thanks for listening.