I was born in Cali and love California with all my heart. My family and I moved to Germany when I was 10 and stayed there for 6 years before going back to the US. We're actually of Kurdish descent but most of my close family members live in Germany. So basically when we came back to Cali I got a boyfriend (I've known him for all my life he lived right next to me and we were best friends) and fast foward a few years- I got pregnant.

My parents wanted to go back to Germany when I finished highschool anyway but I decided to stay in California with my husband. 

He's in the music industry and doing very well now which also means he's constantly working, sometimes even abroad and we just had some very very rough 1 and a half years behind us. 

We lost our daughter at 32 weeks, four of my cousins in Iraq and my husband had cancer (but he's healthy now).

He had drug issues before but he stopped when I got pregnant the first time.

Anyways he started taking drugs again and I moved to a close friend who still lives in the same gated community as we do but I just wanted to keep distance between him and the kids until he's done for good.

During all of this we're currently fighting against the system to adopt a little boy I met a few years ago who's also in Germany right now. Basically I'm in Germany right now to visit him and my family and I thought about maybe staying here for a while. I miss my family and I'm pretty emotional right now, I just need them.

The boy we're adopting already is on a private American school here and I talked to the teachers who said they could easily accept my other son (5) as well. 

I don't know how to tell my husband yet because he's VERY on the edge right now. 

Would it be selfish of me to do that? I just feel like I need this distance and my family so badly....