not sure if in seeing things

I'm 45 and have been sexually active daily with my fiancé . We want to have a child together even though we have children from previous exes . I'm so determined even though I've had 2 miscarriages In the past 2 years . I'm not due to af until March 16 from what glow says and I any stand this wait so I broke and took a test and I'm not sure if in seeing a very faint line and I mean very very faint line or if I'm just seeing the line that's on the test nenes the the negative if ya know what I mean. . If I hold it up to the light all I see is a solid negative but other than that I see the faintest positive .. Am i just seeing what I want to see ? Help me please .. It was a clear blue test .