dating a man with a child? am I in the wrong?

Question

I've been dating this guy who has a 17 month old son for around 7 months, maybe just under.
He has majority custody, 75% and holidays. The mother only wanted 25%, neither one of them help the other with money.

I've had very little contact with her, when I have she seemed really polite and well spoken but recently she liked one of my old pictures on Instagram, so clearly she's been looking (that's fine, I get she would probably want to know who is in her child's life).
Two days ago I posted two photos, as we went to Hawaii for a week. One photo was of my boyfriend and his son, holding hands on the beach. The second photo was of all of us on the beach together (My boyfriend was 100% happy to have that up).
Today I received a message from her on FB saying "stop acting like ur his fucking mother, just coz u put out some puss to my ex doesn't mean shit, thts my son my urs"

Has anyone had to deal with a situation like this? I'm well aware that I'm not his mother, no one can replace her, but I can't see how I can't treat him as if he was my own? I don't have children of my own, I guess I just always thought someone would be happy that their exs partner is treating their child well. I don't want to treat him like he isn't important, he is my boyfriends world and I adore them both.

Answer

I don't understand women like that. Would they rather their child be around someone who hates them and doesn't treat them right? I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. At least you're there. I would block her on all social media.

Answer

You are doing exactly as you should. She's clearly upset bc you guys look happy! She's the one agreed to only 25% 😒

Answer

Block her. Keep treating the child right!

Answer

You are doing nothing wrong. My husbands ex is similar. I have never tried to act like I'm her kids mom, but I am their step mom and we take  family photos, don't worry about it. Ignore her

Answer

I wouldn't even respond to that. Ignore like you never read it and keep doing y'all. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. My ex was with his gf and she was like a mother to my son (she didn't have children of her own either) I didn't let it bother me because I knew he was loved and taken care of. We may have had some differences but as far at as her relationship with my son as long as she was doing right I was okay with it.  Go ahead and love that child like your own just because he isnt biologically yours doesn't mean  anything. If I were her I'd be thanking you for all you do. Good job !

Answer

If she only agreed to 25%, she has to realize there will eventually be another woman in his life more than she is. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Answer

this happened to me! my bfs bm was totally okay with me being in her sons life she actually appreciated that i was around whenever she wasn't but i posted one picture that didn't even show his face and she flipped. she said that she is his mother and that i try to act like his mother when i never do. i believe that caring for a child and making sure they are fed, clean, happy, and safe is just common sense. i do it with love and i am well aware he is not mine since i always tried to give her the respect as his mother. she was just upset that her son loves me and that he likes to be around me. (the first time me her and the baby were in the same place he reached out his hands and wanted to be with me and not her and it really hurt her) i have made it clear that i will not stop loving or caring for him just because she feels some type of way. i will not only hide how i feel but i won't take out my anger on him. he deserves all the love in the world! don't stress she's just jealous that her son has a "family" with you and your bf and not her which is ridiculous because they will always be his family. he only has one mom and one dad. doesn't mean he can't have a bomb ass step mom! your doing great!

Answer

Adult me wouldn't have responded. Petty me would've said " you're only mom 25% of the time" and then would've posted more pictures of us. You are doing the right thing. Don't let her get to you.

Answer

This happened to me. I was dating my now husband since his son was born (weird I know, but stuff happens). The first "family" picture I posted of us was when he was about a year and half as well. His ex messaged him after she saw it and said how she was "butt hurt" about the picture. I think they have a hard time coming around to the idea of another woman acting as a mom figure in their child's life. I would probably have a hard time with it too. My step son is now 4 and she says she couldn't be happier that he has such a great 2nd mom. I think she just needs time to come around to you. Don't take anything personally, she would hate anyone dating her ex. Just be a good role model for the child and treat her kindly. She will come around 😊

Answer

My best friend is going through this same thing. It took a WHILE like over a year for the child's mother to be accepting of my friend being involved in her child's life. Just might take some time. She always said it's a hard line to cross because they will always have that connection.

dating a man with a child? am I in the wrong?

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