Any moms who have mental health issues?

nina
I'll be 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I have lupus disease mostly effecting my brain along with having extremely bad mental health issues. Schizoaffective disorder. I stopped all my medication once I found out I was pregnant and my mental issues have gotten so bad I'm scared to be alone. Everything is so extreme and my depression is so bad. I feel so hopeless. I don't even want to get out of bed. I've missed so many appointments (not for the baby) for lack of motivation and hope. I just feel so lost and can't even sleep without hyperventilating and having panic attacks. Anyone have any advice or dealing with anything similar.