I'm such a loser

I feel like such a loser. I see all these posts about how all these people are out in their own and living their life to the fullest. And me? I'm a mother of a 4 year old 13 weeks pregnant living with my dad while my 30 year old boyfriend lives with my brother. He works. But his job is cleaning Windows for different stores.

No this pregnancy wasn't planned. After the car accident we had resulting in a miscarriage in August I didn't think that I could get pregnant again that soon and we had only had sex a couple times before I conceived. He actually didn't even believe it was his. I see him one time after like three weeks and I ended up getting pregnant that one day. I was only like three weeks (that i thought) when I found out. I actually tested positive before I even missed a period.

I ended up ovulating about a week early so at my 8 week check up I measured 8 weeks 4 days.

I tell him we need to get things together. And that I didn't feel comfortable working yet because I've already been to the ER 2 times with this pregnancy and he goes out and gets a job as a window washer for his friend who I don't even like. I feel like I'm getting a big "fuck you" from the universe by giving me something so precious before I'm even able to properly take care of it.

My four year old is from a previous relationship and I have been going to therapy because of the miscarriage and was working on getting another job and everything. And Now? Now it feels like I've been dealt this hand in strip poker and my whole body is about to be exposed to the world.

I feel like I can't do this. And worst of all I feel like I'm doing this on my own.