I really don't know where else to go other than this app. I'm 18 and I've grown up with really strict parents, like I wasn't even allowed to be friends with boys growing up. Now that I'm in college those rules just magically disappeared and I'm confused.  I've only had one "boyfriend" but I broke up with him after he tried to kiss me because I literally physically could not do it. I've always had crushes on guys but every time they get too close I push them away. I'm not sure if I'm asexual or if my upbringing makes it hard to express my sexuality. Like I want to explore that side of myself but when the chance comes, I turn it down. I feel a lot of shame towards my body and my sexuality and I don't know how to change it /: