robbed of my pregnancy and labour.

This might be a long one and if you chose to read on, thank you! I really just want to tell someone how I feel because I don't understand it myself. All I have wanted is a family and to be pregnant. I wanted to feel my baby move, have a huge bump and a pregnancy glow. What a load of shit! Feb 14 I took a pregnancy test and it was possitive!!! Best Valentines day ever. 4 weeks after I start to bleed. Had a scan and even though I had a bleed. All was good. Better than good I was blessed with twins 🙌🏻 march 24th I had another scan. No heart beat in both of my babies. I was heart broken. 3 months on July 16th my rainbow baby ❤️ 6 weeks on. I haemorrhaged while at work. A little tmi but I have never seen so much blood. Rushed to hospital to be told nothing can be done but to wait 5 days for a scan. LONGEST 5 DAYS OF MY LIFE. somehow my super bean was still there. This happened 6 times. I was bleeding for 20 weeks. My iron levels dropped so low but never low enough for a transfusion. Thank god. Not one day passed that I didn't think "this is it, I've lost my baby" but my little bean kept on going. 34weeks. I have to go into hospital. I thought where strong braxton hicks was labour. I was put on a drip to slow things down so I could be given steroids to help my little mans lungs. 10am I'm taken to labour ward. His heart beat keeps dropping with my contractions. The cord is at the top of his head. 12pm I'm 4cm dilated. 4:15 I'm 7cm they decided to pop my waters. When they did I had a cord prolaps. I was wizzed off for a c section and 4:33 my baby was born. So there is my story. I don't know the point just I need help to understand why all I can think about is being pregnant again and wanting to be in labour again. I love my boy so much but I want a do over. I hated everything about my pregnancy. I want it again. I don't want to try for a baby again. I want the same baby just a whole different experience. It's all I can think about. I wasn't ready.