Yesterday was by far one of the worst days I have ever experienced. We went in on Tuesday afternoon for a scheduled induction. I have been in the hospital twice over the last 2 weeks due to extreme/excruciating back pain that they were originally thinking was caused by kidney stones & then later thought it might be the position of the baby, but no one could tell for sure... my doctor decided that the best option at this point - and only relief they could provide was to get the baby out (I was 39w exactly Tuesday). Induction wasn't the route I wanted to go, but the pain had gotten so bad and I was no longer able to sleep because of it, so my husband & I decided that the docotor knows best & got on board with the idea. Tuesday came & we were checked in at 4pm to start Cervidil & let it work its magic for 12 hours over night (it was uncomfortable to have inserted but really only caused some mild contracting through be night - nothing major... worst part was not being able to eat!!). On Wednesday morning they removed the Cervidil, let me get up, shower & eat (thank goodness!!) & then started the pitocin around 8am. They did check me after removing the cervidil, but there was no change in dilation (still lost 1 fingertip). That was discouraging, but no big deal. After about 2 hours the pitocin started to kick in & the contractions became consistent & harder with every passing hour. By around 2 they were pretty painful, but my husband & I decided that I would go as long as I could without pain medication (hoping to avoid it completely if possible). At 3pm I was having so much pressure down low & was staring to feel irritated that no one had checked me since 8am (not that I was begging to be checked... it's not pleasant, but I felt like the baby was going to fall out due to all the pressure, so it would be nice to know what was going on). The nurse finally checked me... still on my a fingertip. She then proceeded to tell me that they would only run pitocin for 8-12 hours. After that they would most likely send me home. This was complete news to me!! I had NO clue that there was any chance in the world that we would come in for this induction & possibly be sent home without a baby in hand!? Had I even had a remote clue this could happen I would have asked to wait it out, or play it day by day to see how the pain was and if I could just continue to wait things out at home!!! At around 4pm the nurse came in & turned the pitocin off & told me I could order food... I knew this meant they were done (but we were still waiting for the midwife to come in and talk to me). Sure enough, at 5pm she came in and said there was nothing more they could do & it was best for us to go home & wait for labor to start on its own. I have never been so devastated in my life. All of her reasoning made me furious! All of a sudden she was telling me that the baby wasn't dropped enough, my body wasn't ready, it was just too early... she even told me that the nurses said I wasn't in enough pain or discomfort! No one EVER asked me what my pain level was while I was having strong, consistent contractions (1-2 minutes apart)!! No, I wasn't paging the nurses crying. I was trying to be strong and avoid the medication!!! But apparently because I wasn't complaining constantly, I wasn't in enough pain for them to consider this to be anything serious. I just kept thinking why did you bring me here!? Why did you put me through this?? Put me through more pain!? Risk putting my baby through this distress?? If you claim you saw all of these red flags for this induction not going well!? I would have never agreed to this! And I was not the one asking for this! My doctor suggested it! Yes, I agreed because I wanted relief, but I trusted his medical, professional opinion!! (Not to mention, he is out of town through all this and left me in the hands of the midwife - who I actually really liked & was excited for her to deliver my baby). Also, before he left, he mentioned that he was worried I may not dilate on my own due to scar tissue on my cervix caused by a LEEP procedure around 10 years ago... I mentioned this to every nurse. And the midwife was well aware & when I brought that up to her yesterday (my fear being that I won't in fact dilate on my own and they need to "scratch" my cervix to get it started - just like he had told me) she said "it's just too early". Then why am I even here!? I have never felt more discouraged, more defeated, or more disappointed in my life. I am trying so hard to be positive about this & think about how it is for the best that we are waiting, but when you go to the hospital being told this is it! You are bringing your baby home! And then 24 hours get sent back with nothing, you can't help but feel upset. I am so physically, mentally & emotionally exhausted. My body just feels defeated. I am now home waiting for my water to break on its own or 41 weeks to hit... whichever comes first. 😔