Today I went to a family dinner. I have 2 cousins that are pregnant. One is due September 6th the other is due September 7th. I'm due September 24th and I have already been to the ER 3 times with this pregnancy. I was diagnosed this week with threatened miscarriage. Here they are able to pick up their toddlers and I can't even lift my daughter because of being high risk. They were able to play with all the other kids while I had to sit down and watch. My boyfriend and I have been fighting because someone told him I cheated. And all I could think is "why bother" "why keep a baby he's not going to want?" Right after that I was even more upset. Mainly at myself. Thinking "this baby deserves more" "I can't take care of both of them" my boyfriend shows up after the dinner is over and he gets furious because he finds out that my mom helped my daughter mail a birthday card toy ex husband (her dad) and that I hadn't told him the moment I found out that my ex can get my daughter tomorrow. (I had found out a couple hours before that but my mother would be taking her and I wanted to talk to her about it before anyone else and she was busy at the time in charge of the family reunion) I begin thinking "everyone is better without me."

Here i am 17 weeks pregnant. I'm supposed to be happy with this time in my life and I feel miserable.

I am going to talk to my doctor about it asap.