pregnancy after m/c & breast cancer. negative thought loops.

Lily • Doula and Lactation Consultant
Hey guys just looking for some support.  
I have been trying for years to get pregnant.  The first time I was pregnant I was 21, and was diagnosed with breast cancer.  That pregnancy resulted in a loss, and after I went through months of radiation and 3 surgeries.
Pregnant again in November 2015, 25 at that time, had a mc at 7 weeks.  
Finally pregnant again, 27, due date December 21st.  4 and a half weeks right now.  I also discovered another lump in my breast.  Appointment next week with the oncologist.  I'm so nervous.
I've been off my anxiety medication for over a year now successfully.  It seems like all the previous emotions are flooding back now... Every minute seems like an hour.  Going outside or functioning normally, like working, is the most difficult challenge.  
I feel like I'm just holding my breath waiting for the next bad thing to happen.  Then I feel guilty and like a horrible person for stressing because stress DOES increase the chances I will miscarry.  It's a horrible cycle...
I'm working on meditating and seeing a therapist, but it doesn't seem to be enough.  I want a child so badly so even thinking negatively brings on waves of guilt too.  
If anyone has advice or encouragement, support would be lovely.
Thanks ❤️❤️