passive aggressive fighting with mother in law
So my mother in law told me months ago that she wanted to throw our baby shower. Which is super nice because I don't have a lot of friends and my family lives in another state. The thing is, I was nervous from the beginning about some things. First she starts wanting to plan it for super early in my pregnancy (it's this weekend and I had to fight to get it to be this late -I'll be 30 weeks). Second, I was nervous about food because I'm not a huge fan of her cooking. Finally, I was nervous in general because it seems like she doesn't often consider what other people want or like when she does things (for instance she fought me on a lot of stuff on my registry and basically said well I'm just getting you what I think you should get).
So since I was nervous I asked my mom to step in and help. I figured it would be nice for the grandmas to work together and that my mom would help guide her to things that were more my taste. Then my mom didn't respond to her for a couple weeks and because of that, we ended up losing our opportunity for a great venue. I jumped in, did some troubleshooting, found a couple alternatives and discussed them with my MIL and we agreed. So I booked the venue and paid for it (knowing she didn't have the funds right then. We ended up splittting the cost).
My mom pretty much picked a theme (that I love) and ordered favors. She's planning on buying the supplies for games and decorations when she gets here the day before.
So after all this I shared with them the games/activities I would like to have (trying to keep things low key) and told my MIL I would put together some cute stuff for them and the prizes (mostly to save her money and because I wanted to be crafty). We discussed food and concluded that sandwich/veggie/fruit/cheese trays would be good and that she was going to make them rather than buy them.
She mentioned a couple weeks ago buying streamers and stuff and I told her she didn't need to worry about it because my mom would when she got here (again, I know her money is tight). We talked about plans for setting up and I told her my thoughts that she, my wife, and their visiting family could work on the food and me and my relatives could get the games and decorations together the day of. Everything seemed ok.
Last night we stop by her house and it comes up. She's telling me what she's bought and still needs to get for the platters when I realize that there is almost nothing being prepared that I can or want to eat. I have GD so I have to take it easy on the fruit/sandwiches and sweets and I'm pretty picky beyond that. I pointed out how little there would be for me to eat (admittedly not in the most polite or gentle ways) and everything went nuts. She got very upset and snippy and then shut down completely.
My wife and I argued about it last night because she ends up stuck in the middle. Then she talks to her mom this morning and gets the story of how she had wanted it to be a surprise shower and that I have taken everything out from under her so she's just going to attend as a guest instead of being the host and dropped all the food duties on my wife. She even called and cancelled the cake.
Now I understand I cut in and did some decision making and how that could be upsetting. But I don't think it's a bad thing to want my shower to reflect my tastes and to have food which I like and can actually eat. Everything's all shitty now and the shower is in 3 days and I just want to cry.
Someone tell me what you think-whether I'm right, wrong, or just hormonal I don't care if you disagree with my I just want to know what everyone thinks.
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