Feeling negative towards unborn baby.

*Sensitive Topic* 
I'm 8 weeks with my second child, my daughter is only 4 months. She'll be almost a year when this baby is born. My fiancé is over the moon about this baby. I have hardly any symptoms yet, except occasions nausea. My last pregnancy was TERRIBLE. Threatened miscarriage at 7 weeks, preeclampsia, anemia, gestational diabetes, a traumatic labor/birth. I'm in the beginning of my Bachelors degree. 
I feel like this is such a bad time in life. At some points, I wouldn't really care if I miscarried. I feel like a terrible person! I don't want to be pregnant, get fat, give birth, etc. 
Please don't say see a therapist, I can't afford one right now. 
Any advice?