What to do? Baby shower

Also, we have learned that many of our new, local friends are likely to not show to a baby shower. Two have terrible health problems that leave them home-bound most of the time, one works 70-80 hours a week, one said that he would rather take us shopping than do a baby shower, and most of our friends seem to be struggling financially. There are maybe about five people who would definitely show up, and those five are all broke. We would feel really guilty asking our friends who lack money to get us things, or asking our friends in bad health to come out to a party. In addition, the gal (and her husband) have told us of some of their ideas for an elaborate shower for women only with a men-only separate diaper party. Since we want cloth diapers, we suggested that maybe we just do a co-ed baby shower that is more of a get-together, but the couple decided they would just keep with the original idea and ask for donations of cash from the men instead. My husband and I feel like the shower(s) they are trying to plan don't fit with our personalities and that our friends will likely not show up anyway, which would be awkward (not to mention expensive for the friends throwing the party). We tried suggesting something smaller but this couple said they would just invite their friends instead, which makes me feel weird. It is starting to feel like they care more about throwing a party they will like than something we can enjoy, but we don't want to be ungrateful. I asked my husband about just canceling the whole thing (we definitely still have time as nothing is set in stone yet, not even the date) but he thought his friend would be disappointed that she can't throw a party anymore. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones but her need to party plan doesn't matter that much to me! What should we do? Have another conversation about realistic expectations? Cancel the whole thing? Have the shower anyway and just suck it up and appreciate the generosity?