As a first time mom I did all my research. I looked up how to breastfeed, what to eat to ensure good supply, what to do to make the experience as beneficial for both myself as my son as possible.  But then cluster feeding occurred and my baby screamed for hours on end. I cried, I scrambled, I ran to the store and yelled at a Walmart employee because their computers were down and I needed to get formula to supplement because I was starving my child. My child gained his weight back within the first week but I was told by my pediatrician that my milk wasn't caloric enough (how she knew this I still don't understand) and that I had to give him three oz of formula every two hours to get his weight up. I walked out in tears, ashamed of myself for not being able to do the most natural thing a woman could. I didn't listen, I went to a lactarion consultant who told me he was fine and gaining and to just keep nursing. And so I did. And he screamed at night constantly. And he had gas that made him cry and scream and in turn make me cry because I felt like a failure as a mother who couldn't soothe her baby. Failure as a mother for my baby being in pain. But all I wanted to do was breastfeed. I started getting shooting, burning pain in my breasts when he fed for over a certain time. I say in bed crying in pain while I tried to feed my son, telling myself it will be okay he's getting what he needs and he'll be done soon.  All I wanted to do was give my son what I was told was best. What I forgot was that my son also needed a mother who wasn't crying all the time, a mother who didn't feel like a failure. I'm not giving up on breastfeeding my baby, but I'm also not going to continue to loll myself by thinking this is the only way he will be a thriving child. My mental health is just as important as my son being fed, because if he has no mother who will feed him what I'm struggling so hard with. So mommas the take away is please don't forget about your mental health also. Whether it's feeding or the constant crying or whatever, remember it's okay to step away for a moment, take a deep breath and reevaluate before going back to being mommy. It's new and hard and it's okay to admit that.