just please read & give me advice

I've been dating the same guy for two years now. He's a good guy but our relationship is just unhealthy. We fight often and when we do fight it gets heated.. screaming, cursing, etc. I feel like I can never get through to him and apparently he feels the same way. I broke up with him then blocked him for about a week. I caved in, unblocked him and he used his charm on me. He finally started giving me everything I wanted from him.. passion, romance, etc. I told him we can try working on things.. we'd stay broken up but see how well we get along. Two days later we had an awful fight. It was so stupid tbh. But in that moment I lost all hope. I felt like I had closure for once.. whenever we break up I continue to tell myself that maybe there's more I can do to make it work. It seems like he doesn't recognize how unhealthy & toxic we are together. He WONT give up on me... even when I dump him, even when I've done terrible things... he doesn't give up. I am not his first real relationship but I'm his first true love... he isn't mine so I feel like he's being delusional by thinking this can work. Anyways, he's been so great to me lately.. super cuddly, caring, etc. even tho I lost all hope when we tried again once we broke up, I told him I'd try AGAIN & if it doesn't work out this time around and nothing changes then we are blocking each other for good and have to move on. I don't even want to try again. I know it'll fail but I hold onto some hope that maybe it won't? If I don't try.. once again & he has actually changed then I'd be missing out. I've been telling him we shouldn't talk or hang out until I'm completely sure I want this.. and he says it'll hurt worse than seeing me or talking to me all the time. I try to push myself away and he won't allow it. I started talking to this new guy who I really like and see potential with.. sitting in the car w my ex with all my empathy, I decided to tell my ex I'd try again. I felt relieved in the moment bc id love for us to actually workout.. but a couple mins later I felt angry.. I felt irritated. I don't want to try again. I don't want to stop talking to this new guy who I stopped talking to when I tried last time w my ex. I see so much potential with this new guy. 

It's so hard for me.. I believe everything happens for a reason. My ex's continuous fighting for me even when I give up has me confused. Is this the universe telling me that we aren't meant to end things now??? Is the reason why even when I think I'm done I still have some hope? Is this new guy I met supposed to be my soulmate and letting him go to bop back into our relationship going to be the anchor that pushes me to leave because I constantly think "what if?" I miss my ex when we don't speak.. I miss his touch, I miss the little things. But I don't miss being around him. He constantly killed my

Mood. But this new and improved ex is someone I have a great time with. Was this breakup supposed to bring us closer together? Is the reason I'm laying in bed with my stomach in nots and can't focus on my ex & I but instead thinking about this new guy I really like a sign that I'm supposed to try things with this new guy? I just can't figure out what I should

Do. I read quotes that say not to let go of someone who always puts up with you and never gives up no matter what.. and that's my ex. Our biggest issue is communication... that's a deal breaker. But is it something every couple has issues with & Is it something we can work on? Is the reason why any time I try pushing my ex away he fights to keep me because he's my soulmate? I just don't want to let go... and regret it. I don't know if I'm the issue. Am I taking him for granted? Would I be stupid to let a guy go who stays even tho I've cheated in the past? A guy who wants me despite the many times I've given up on him? A guy who wants me no matter how much I've hurt him? Or is he not fighting for me because he loves me and more about comfort? 

Please give me advice ladies.

I have anxiety.. I can't sleep.. my stomach is turning. I have no idea what to do... try like I said I would or block him & force us both to move on and try things with this new guy who has everything I've always wanted? Grass isn't always greener on the other side. I've felt happier since me and my ex have been broken up. I've been spending a lot of time alone, growing spiritually.. but I miss him. Idk if the reason why I've been happy is because I feel

Free for once and he's toxic in my life or is it because he's still been fighting for me and talking to me so it hasn't been completely "real"? 

My sister hates him but she doesn't get along w many people & my best friend hates my ex also. They say he's mentally abusive & a narcissist.. problem is, when I read through symptoms of a narcissist personality I see how he'd fit the description but also me.. idk if I'm toxic, if he is, or if we just are together?? 

I need as many responses as possible. This is eating. Me. Alive.