Blended Family Issues?

Question

Anyone else dealing with blending a family and adding a new little one? I'm struggling with some unexpected feelings with this pregnancy.

My husband and I will be married a year this month. I have a 12 yo daughter with shared custody to my ex. She spends 1/2 the week with us & 1/2 with her dad. My husband has full custody of his 3 kids. His 16 yo son is severely autistic and his daughters 8 & 10 are still struggling with their mothers abandonment. She visits them but it's sporadic and causes more hurt.

I love his kids, but honestly, I'm still very aware that they aren't mine. I'm a SAHM, so I take care of them. I was a single mom for 9 years so I'm not used to having another parent around. And if I'm totally honest there are some rare times where I resent that his kids are always around but mine isn't.

So we're now unexpectedly having a baby girl together. We're happy and looking forward to her arrival. I'm just surprised that sometimes, I find myself feeling like she's "his" baby and not "ours". It seems like I'm not connected to her. It makes me a little sad.

Anyone else experience any unexpected feelings because of blending?

Answer

I can't comment on the full custody he has but I do know how you feel about his kids. My partner has taken my 2 kids on as their dad has never been around, he has a little girl the same age as my little boy and we have another boy on the way. I find it really hard as I've been on my own for the first few years of being a parent and learning how to deal with situations on my own, so it hard now as he has an input which he does to help me out. But I do sometimes resent things because it's like these are our children but his little girls his.. And it's hard. It's like I have nothing to myself or with someone else like he does. X

Answer

My husband and I met 4 years ago, I was a single mom to a 6yr old and 1 yr old, we were married within 10 months and it took my oldest son another year or so to really accept my husband as Dad (his father was the once a week 5 minute phone calls when he felt like it kinda dad, which really hurt my son). We had our first son together in 2016, I spent my entire pregnancy having nightmares and scares that my older boys would feel very left out, or as if we loved and cared about the baby more than them. But they love that baby so much, they haven't had any issues and truly are such a blessing to me! I'm pregnant again and they're so excited about the new baby and watching their baby brother become a big brother!

Answer

My husband has 4 children from a previous marriage and his ex wife abandoned them. I know his kids aren't mine but I watch them full time while he is at work. I feel very detached from them though, knowing they aren't mine. When I became pregnant I was so happy that I would have my baby. It was always mine mine mine mine with me. I feel guilty about it but they're natural feelings and they eventually went away and I'm happy for OUR baby girl together

What you're feeling is most likely temporary, and once they baby arrives you will know that it is not his baby, but our baby. Don't beat yourself up about it, stay relaxed for the baby and your sake

Answer

You'll really need to see how you feel after baby arrives. I do strongly recommend going to therapy to work these feelings out though

Blended Family Issues?

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