We lost our son back in September at 38 weeks gestation. Our Dr wouldn't give us the c section even though he was breech, my contractions were 4-8 minutes apart for two weeks, and measuring more then a month further along then we thought. The placenta tore because he tried so hard to flip too late in the game. He was Born sleeping at 9lbs 7oz and 20 inches long, and his name was John. Choosing a common name like that, You see it everywhere. It's earth shattering, and I can seem to get out of bed. Why would I need to, Ya know? I feel useless. I keep getting Mother's day stuff on my Facebook page and I just can't handle it anymore. I should be a mom to a baby boy that I can hold, not one I can only talk to in my mind. No one knows how to talk to me, and keeps saying I am strong, but I don't feel strong. I feel lonely and broken. What did I do to deserve this?