So about 4 years ago I was raped, I don't wish to go into details but anyways I didn't really deal with it when it happened to me and I only started to deal with the effects it had on me last year. Because of this I sometimes become shakey during sexual encounters and sometimes my body goes into like a defense mode even before something goes into me it just has to come near that area and I completely tighten my vaginal area up. At obgyn appointments when they check  down there I get really uncomfortable and tighten up and sometimes I almost cry and get really anxious about it. I've been with my partner for almost two years and although I have my moments where I get tensed up I feel comfortable with him and we have a great time but of course sometimes things are on my mind and my body will tighten up and it makes sex harder sometimes. Last night we were trying the perineal massage and it was pretty painful because I couldn't control the tightening up and I started hysterically laughing and my body was just not reacting well to it my partner was trying to calm me down as best as he could when we were doing it, and I couldn't even do it at all to myself for some reason. Anyways I'm getting nervous about child birth now because my response to things happening with my vagina is to tighten up and close my legs instead of relaxing. I know this is a really personal topic and probably made some people uncomfortable, but if you have had a similar experience or know someone who has please share if your comfortable.