I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!

Sa

May 29,2017

Do you ever feel so down because you can't do anything right to make people even slightly happy about what your doing? Well today Is on of the days i feel so low, degraded, and useless. Between my mom, husband, and my kids ( I love them so much they are 18 months and 4 months) I have hit rock bottom. No matter who I tell how I feel they miss what I am trying to say or miss completely why I feel the way I do. I spend so much time  and energy poring my love into my kids so I make sure they are as happy and as well cared for as possible. I don't even have time to take a good shower, make my self feel good about my self or even feel attractive anymore. I don't feel like I am enough anymore I can't make people even slightly happy with me. I can't even produce milk for my baby anymore I don't have enough milk to keep her healthy so I had to make a hard decision for her own good today. And put her in formal today because like everything else in my life I can't do anything right. No one around me understands what it's like not to not be able to make milk for your baby anymore. It's like all I can do is hide how I feel because when I reach out to my husband he says I am what to sensitive, over reacting, throughing my own pity party. I tried telling my husband how I felt and he replied with don't talk to me and walked out of the room and came back asking for an apology. Why do I have to apologize for how I feel. 

This is what I said to my husband after he asked for an apology 

You asked for an apology so hear we go. 

Jordan I am sorry I am not as pretty as most girls. In turn I am sorry that because I don't look as attractive as other girls you feel like you have to look at others. I get it I look at other girls wishing I looked like them again. I also am sorry I don't give you all the attention you want. I am also sorry for never being able to make you happy I am sorry I just always make you so mad yo can't stay in the same room. I am sorry I don't give you the time to talk and I cut you off. I am sorry your family does not like me and have treated me like trash and that's you have to hear about it. I am sorry I am sorry I spend so much time loving on your kids and by the end of the day I want to sleep. I am sorry I don't like parties. I am sorry that I feel like when you go out we should go as a couple and have fun. I am sorry for hurting you more than I can explain. I am sorry I can't make you happy all the time. I have many more I am sorry that you reading this probably made you feel like I am being sensitive but it's how I feel. I have more I am sorries but it's way to long to continue 

Am I over reacting????