I never imagined this would be so hard.

So, I'm 20+4 weeks pregnant and the father decided to leave. He said he never even wants to meet her. Up until now, he was so excited about everything. He's been to every appointment until yesterday and it's starting to break me. I'm not the type to make him take responsibility. I don't get child support for my son and his dad hasn't even contacted us in a year. The way I see it is, if you don't want to be a parent then okay but you don't get the choice to come and go freely. It's all or nothing. But with my daughter, everything is much harder. I guess because her dad was actually acting like he cared at first. I can literally feel myself emotionally detaching and becoming less and less excited about everything. I don't get so happy to feel her kicks anymore and I'm so not ready for October because I have no idea how I'm going to buy her things. Nowhere will hire me while pregnant. All of my plans to be a stay at home mom are gone. I have to go to work asap and probably work 2 jobs to have us a place to live and everything. breastfeeding will now be exclusively pumping.. I'm so torn.

Sorry, I just needed to get that out.