Abortion story
i've had one abortion in 2008/09 i think my child should have 9 years now.. this is going to be long i found out i was only 3 weeks pregnant... just to share.
i dated a man 11 years older than me and we had an open relationship when it came down to sex and other ppl funny enough there where rules to all of it. At the time i was not taking the pill we only used condoms.
he already had a daughter from a previous relationship he had she was about 9 years old.
I told him i was pregnant i was on my 20's, he threatened my life and the unborn telling me that he would kill us, i wanted to keep the baby if it would be healthy so i left him at the time.
did some tests and the more i though about it the less prepared i felt and the more scared i felt.. i was not working at the time and i did not have my onw house at the time and nothing steady in my life. unemployed living with my parents with a social ameba near me like he was.
this baby would never be happy i though... but i wanted her.. so i went and did a lot of exams, my parents never knew that i was pregnant i used savings money to do what i needed. And basically opted for the abortion.
i'm my country you can have an abortion in certain conditions you need to take it seriously and you need to wait till 7 weeks to do after that you can't really abort unless there is a health issue your or baby.
So there i went alone to these consultations and basically filled in all papers and booked the day to do it... it was like i was a drone... cold and distant from it all as if not o feel.
the father showed up and asked me what i wanted to do then and i told him the abortion and it was settled, his life wouldn't be ruined and all that shit he claimed, he asked me to keep the baby i said no. his daughter had the right to live she was also unwanted my baby he condemned to death and i did not want that life for my child and not with him for sure. And as for mentally screwing some one he was a geniais and made me feel like shit till the day. and i only asked for 1 thing, i don't want to go home that night after the abortion. he said fine.
the day came, and there i was... in the slaughterhouse... as i called it... me and other women... i couldn't help but wonder if they all felt the same way about being there.. so on a abortion clinic waiting for our names to be read out where we should be anonymous... so they would call 4 names at the time and we got up at the same time so no one could pin point us out... ridiculous really....
we went to a room where we where split, some where taking shots or pills to induce others like me where being vacuumed and had to take a general anesthesia i kid you not it took about 10 minutes. i got locked in a room asked to undress and store my things they would give it to me later to dress, i got directed to the operating table, and after a few words they put me to sleep...
And that was that...he/she was gone... i woke up and it was not there anymore.. but i woke up with a feeling of iner piece and comfort like it was ok all of that. the nurses doctor all staff where really nice and all and not judging but it was done... i woke up got dressed went to another room to receive medication and that was that.... i left 10 minuts to do it all.
He was waiting for me, again thepaicological brutally started... i just did what i did i don't really know how to feel and that animal was telling me 10 minuts was not time enough i was lying to him.
Basically he dropped me off at my parents afterwards when this was the only thing i asked him i did not want... i cried and cried that night and it took a while to come to terms with what i had done. He got more affected then he would have liked regarding the experience.
Eventually that man stopped taking part in my life
Today i'm pregnant 34 weeks and i have a partner that loves and respects me, i have a job and my house. i do not condemn or judge. You need peace within your self and accept that there will be times that you will think on the "what if" and you will beat your self up about it.
At this distance in time, i do not regret the option i have taken because of a number of personal reasons. But i can tell you that in the day that are my darkest and lowest i mm still haunted by the notion that i could have a little child here with me as well.
we each live with or own ghosts and demons
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