The Other Night

So maybe a week ago I met this guy off of a dating app and he was pretty nice, a little quiet, a little......how do I say it?? Well let's just give a scenario, I didn't text him back because I left my phone in my car and he called me six times and texted me ten in a matter of ten minutes even though he knew I was going to my house to change before meeting up with him again. Anyways, not the point of the story. We went to go have Carl's Jr. (🤢 sorry not my favorite I didn't even eat) and then went to the park at like 9 something at night. He started getting all touchy and he would stop when he knew I wasn't really into it but at some points I would make a sexual comment or two (not going to deny that I'm a major tease) and I guess one of the comments REALLY turned him on. He stood up and took me over to a grass field and started kissing me, which he wasn't very good at, while trying to make me lay down on the grass. I laid down and it was just a poorly done make out sesh but then he started asking to take off my pants so he could eat me out. He wasn't very good at anything else but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. So I took off my pants and he moved my panties to the side but he never ate me out 😑 he just started teasing me with his fingers like he was about to finger me and he was mumbling something but I was so bored I was trying to find nonexistent constellations. Then all of a sudden this dude is jumping me and I'm like.....wtf is he doing? Then I realized that his "fingers" that were previously teasing me was his dick and he was in fact having sex with me. Now I've had sexual trauma happen to me as a child and it was so bad that I have memory blocks that have yet to be taken down and my whole life I've said that I was a virgin (even though I likely wasn't because of the childhood stuff that happened). So now there I was laying on a grassy park field, which I'm allergic to, having this small dicked jerk inside me. I didn't know what to do because the most of the time he was going I thought it was his fingers. Then he got up because he wanted to move but I asked for a ride back to my car but instead he decided that it would be nice to let me walk that evening at almost 11 o'clock at night 😊 (don't worry I ubered). I guess I wrote this because I don't know how to feel about it. My friends have been telling me what to feel but honestly I'm just lost with emotions on this right now. So if anyone got this far could people share their thoughts