I'm officially in the never ending TWW... I'm trying so hard not to stress out and psych myself out but it's so hard. Every time I feel a cramp or have a moment of sickness my head is flooded with thoughts like, "This is it!" and "I felt that! This has to be different!" And I do this to myself until AF smacks me back into reality.

It's such a hopeful, anxious, desperate time for me. What makes it more stressful is I'm choosing not to tell my close friends and family because when we do become pregnant I want to surprise them! I don't want the "No, you're imagining things, stop." And the "Did you test today? What about yesterday? Will you tomorrow?"

I made the mistake of telling my mother once I could have been pregnant (which I wasn't) and when I told her this she didn't even look up from what she was doing and calmly said, "no you're not" which blew the excitement out of me. So after that I chose to keep my TTC a secret from my family and it's hard not being able to share. I suppose it's even harder to clue everyone in and then disappoint them all at the end of the month. I feel like after a fee months of constant negatives they'd begin to lose hope in me and I can't face that.

So, here we go.. TWW #3 and I am so nervous I'll screw myself over with my anxiety and over thinking and I'll waste a $10 test on a "hunch" just to start bleeding later that day.

Cheers to all of those in the TWW as well. 🥂🥂