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Loneliness

Sapphire • Tue, Jun 20

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about something. And I would connect it to someone. And I would find myself about to pick up my phone to text them my thoughts, but then thinking that I didn't want to bother them.

I would continue to do what I was doing, and tell myself over and over again, "I don't need anybody. I don't need anybody. I'm okay being alone."

I think about someone at school that I hate, someone who seeks attention and lives for it. Someone who goes out of their way for it. And it terrified me that I might become that type of person.

I like reading books alone. I like watching shows alone. I like listening to music and riding on the bus alone. But when I see how my friends are so tightly knit, I find that I like being alone, but I don't fancy being lonely.

I want to find somebody who can be a pillar of support. Somebody who has the same interests as me, the same tastes as me. Somebody who I can tell everything I think about, no matter how petty or stupid it is.

But at the same time, the thought hurts me even more.

.....because I know I can't do the same for them.

I'm a selfish, one sided, hypocritical human.

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