1 month today 💜💜 excuse the added rant

happy 1 month Zoesmi (zo-ehz-me) she came 2-3 weeks early and was going through so much unbelievable financial stress and drama with her father and his alcoholism.... literally had no time to actually sit and really think on a name 😢 but what I chose, is starting to grow on me more each day. oddly, b4 she was born, had a dream I kept calling her esmi (ehz-me) for short... as I thought progress! now need a prefix.... emergency c section later, and days in the hospital dealing with such unlawful practices.... but not getting into that.... came up with Zoesmi... the father and I decided at first Zoeway Blue... but that spelling of the first name bothered me... so hours skimming through baby names, while under over medication... made it much harder to think... as I told myself, when I get the time to really sit and think in peace... do lots of research... comparisons... then can change her name later.... as my other daughter's name is Madelayne (mad-uh-lane) mixing Madelyn and Elaine together.... wanting something as unique yet girly for my newest.... but again, enduring an immense amount of stress... as literally her father didn't get off his butt to get a car seat day of my discharge... when I clearly told him week prior we need to get on top of things. I'm thankful his mom has helped out tremendously, do feel bad for her having to spend such an amount bc he chose his vices over responsibility.... almost want to blame myself bc I couldn't work and handle it all myself... well, ended up within the week moving back in with my rents... knowing that's the best thing for her and I missed my oldest daughter dearly... who turned 9 on the 19th... so back at the bottom to rebuild my life it is. Car was repoed.. bank account overdrawn about to go to collections... living out of a hotel with her father... just had to make a wise yet safe decision to come back home.... it was hard, but in regards to my daughter's... told him since day 1...they come first... his actions probed otherwise he'd rather lie about working, utilize my car to drive around drunk then come home lying to me... arguing and me worried he'd accidentally end up hurting Zoesmi.... that seriously cut the rope for me.... no ifs and or buts... or anymore lies, false hopes... and drama... just glad in a much better environment.. safe, for sure roof over our head along with necessities... no uncertainties.... wish us the best of luck though... as I honestly could use it.... since been here, little over a week... wanted to give up so much, but seeing Zoesmi, really has given me that push I was lacking to not give up... she needs me as much as I need her and Madelayne. love my girls oodles. don't need a man and his manipulative lies false hopes... to ruin their child hood... been a single parent for quite awhile... so this isn't new to me... actually prefer it.... use to being so independent as it is..

sorry for the rant... just had to get some negativity off my chest...