I felt awkward and he knew that, and when he asked me if I wanted to I said I didn't know but I didn't really feel like it. The whole situation was so uncomfortable to me, he kept asking me and getting annoyed at my inconclusive answers, and I wanted to avoid an argument. So eventually I said 'ok', but he knew I didn't want to. He knows me and he knew but we did it, and it hurt a lot. 

At the time I had no idea how to feel apart from icky. Looking back on it, I still don't know what to think. I don't want to say it was rape, because it's such a heavy accusation, but was it? I need help :(