Finally, after 4 months(hehe) I decided to share my birth story. So here goes...

I wanted my whole pregnancy to deliver naturally. I kept "arguing" with my OBGYN that if all is well, I will deliver like that. Well, from week 33 of pregnancy, baby started to gain weight.. rapidly. At 35 weeks he was already 3.3 kg and he said that he believes him to get over 4 kg by the time I reach my due date. At 37 weeks he estimates 3.6 kg so he started to have the c-section talk with me since I am a flem away from 1.6m and super skinny( was 43kg when I got pregnant). I just said - we'll see... He also removed my cerclage then and told me " you will not see the next appointment - you will give birth my then"(my cervix started to thin out around 30 weeks). Riiight... 38 weeks pass..39 weeks appointment - eta 3.8 kg. He already scheduled me on my due date for a C-section, on the 14th of March. I was a mess, scared shitless of a cesarian. Everyone started to console me telling me to have the best of the baby in mind..and so I tried to take one day at a time..

I had VERY little BH contractions during my pregnancy, so I thought meh, what the hell, since my cerclage got removed, I am on full term already, baby doesn't seem to wanna get out anymore, on the evening of 9th of March, hubby saw how it was to "ride" a whale 😜*wink wink

On the same night at 5:30AM, I wake up for the usuall small-bladder-piss-off trips to the bathroom(gosh I don't miss those🙄). I come back, lay down, slowly drifting off...when BAM!!!! HEEERE'S CRAMPY! A damn strong contraction has me curled into a pretzel..well..huge ass belly pretzel😜. My hubby wakes up and sais we should monitor them (I've had strong BH before so we were skeptical). 9 minutes later another cramp.. slightly milder, so we got even more skeptical.. but they kept their 8-9 minutes timing so we got up..I started walking around, jumping on my birth ball, stay on all fours, imagining strangling my husband as he packed for the hospital..ya know, the usual. At 7AM contractions get to 5mins apart, so he calls the hospital to let them know we are coming.

We get in the car...7 freaking AM...RUSH HOUR!! I am on the back seat screaming and flipping every slow driver and setting imaginary fires on the traffic lights. Some considerate drivers let us pass through and give my husband either the "OOOH SHIIT" look or the " I feel you man.." look. I cursed the government and street workers for All. The. Damn. Holes. In. The. Road. Imagine having intense @##$@$_@@ pain ass contractions and being bounced allover by goddamn holes..😑😑😑😓😓ugh, I get shivers just thinking about it.

We reach the hospital after 1 hour, so now it's around 8:30. I can barely walk. As I struggle to get to the on-call room, people look at me with puppy eyes and awww faces. I finally arrive and they lay me down to monitor my contractions and send my hubby to do the paper work. Some random 2m high, 200kg sumo doctor arrives and tells me to get on the obgyn table...OH SHIT! He gonna do a sumo slam on my belly and *POP goes the baby!! But no, he started to "probe" me to see how far I am dilated

- She is 8 cm!!!! Get her to the delivery room!!Now! - he yelled at the nurses. -Why did you come here so late?!?!?!?😠

- I am not here late!!! I am in labor for 3 hours!!! *Mentally choking him*😡😡😡😡

He leaves and I get up, preparing to get down when suddenly I feel something..

-It's coming out!!! - I calmly say

The nurse went white! - WHAT'S COMING OUT?!

I reach down and (TMI) take out this huge ass mucusy blood clot -Oh, just the mucus plug!😄

She changes me, puts me in a wheelchair, and whooosh to the delivery room. There, a sumo nurse, saying she will help deliver my baby....😰

She tries to put a needle in me do administer antibiotics (I had strep B) HAH. I was all-over the place, vein broke, blood allover, swallowed and blue..YEY just what I freakin needed...a baby ripping my vagina in 82615 pieces wasn't enough..THANK YOU! She finally manages to set one up, and they lay me on the table. She sais to the other nurse:

- Let's put some paper and such on the floor, there might be some po..po...pouring water, ya know *faint wink

OH F***!! I suddenly realized imma shit on the table 😱😱😱😱😱 - meh, untill next contractions started, after which I completely forgot😂

So far there are only the delivery nurse and a neonatal care nurse in the room with me. Contractions starting to get worse, longer and closer. My OBGYN comes in, checks me, I am a 9, but my water didn't break yet, so he breaks it. WHOOSSSHHH and SPLASH on the floor - it's warm. He goes out, I am ☠️. My nurse keeps telling me to breaaaaathe. I do so and pray to the Looord Jesus Christ and his holy mother that I come out of this alive. Doc comes back in a while later and sais it should start any minute now. I suddenly wanna take the biggest, largest, lumpiest poop EVER! My whole area is about to go BOOM! I start pushing my eyeballs out, doc and nurse yelling at me HOLD IT HOLD IT HOOOOOLD IIIT!!(hold the push for as long as I can). I can't. I am exhausted. I hold a few seconds and lose it😰 contraction comes again - HOOOOOOLD IIIIT!!! i can't...baby starts being distressed - won't descend properly, being big and all. Doc decides to make an episiotomy (I did not feel a thing, I found out I had one After I delivered). Push push puuuush! Baby descends too slow. and then...it happened - the big sumo nurse, put her whole weight on top of my belly -SUMO SLAAAAAAM with each of my contraction. 👻

*Jesus!! In thy hands I leave my soul*☠️

BOP! Head comes out! One big push later SPLOSH! The rest. At 11AM sharp. 3.7 kg

They put him on my chest, he cries. The most beautiful, sweetest baby in the world. MY baby! I forgot it all, the pain, the nerves, the panic, the pressure - all. There was just me and him😍😍😍

They cut the chord a minute later and took him away for measurements. I look to the side - 8 nurses at the door were watching me give birth !😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 two more entered and were standing next to my doc. There were 13 people total in my delivery room. WHEN they appeared....God knows..

I deliver my placenta and am put to sleep so that the doc can stich my episiotomy...

I wake up an hour later with my husband and beautiful son next to me😍

In conclusion: want a fast labor? Have sex, a ling shitty road filled with holes on your way to the hoapital, and a sumo nurse to help that baby out😜

Thank you for your time!😘🤗