Who comes first?

Question

My bestfriend is mad at me for choosing to spend more time with my boyfriend then her, but I just love him so much and I'm in a LDR rn, so we don't see each toe he often, and me and my best friend are so close that I figured it wouldn't matter as much. But for some reason she was really hurt when I told her I wanted to get off the phone with her to call my boyfriend. (Our convo was getting a bit dry--- and we plan on seeing each other tomorrow anyways :/) So who comes first?

Answer

I think it should be 50/50. You are not choosing him over her because you were already talking to her so it's not like you're avoiding her and only talking to him. And long distance relationships make it even more difficult because you don't get to see him often so you want to talk to him more often. I would talk to her about it and try to explain that she isn't being replaced or anything but you miss your boyfriend too.

Answer

I also think it should be 50/50. From the sound of it it seems like she was just slightly jealous. I think she should've been a little more considerate since you guys are long distance. But I'd definitely talk to her and tell her that you don't mean to put anyone before the other and that it's hard if she's going to react that way every time something like this occurs.

Answer

I lost my best friend when I started dating my boyfriend two years ago. She was really the only friend I had and when she suddenly had to share my time our friendship deteriorated. She absolutely refused to hangout with me if he was going to be around and while I do admit I was a little boy crazy for a while (he was my first boyfriend) her lack of interest in getting to know him at all is what did it. Eventually I felt like I could only have one of them in my life and I chose him for that reason; he didn't pressure me in anything.

But honestly if I could go back I'd try to do things differently so I could still have her as a friend. Try to get your friend to understand your point of view and make sure she still feels important to you if you don't want to lose her friendship. Who you make your priority is your choice but try hard not to lose your friend if that happens to be your boyfriend. That regret has sat with me for quite some time now and it's not a feeling you'd like to carry with you.

Answer

I can see both being a priority. It sounds like in this instance you didn't do anything wrong. She may be feeling jealous. I have dealt with issues like that where my "friend" would only spend a lot of time with me in between relationships, but when she was with someone all of a sudden I didn't exist. But if you aren't doing that then I don't know why your friend is having a problem.

Who comes first?

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