It's ok sometimes to not be ok..😔

So this is my first time posting on glow, I've been on glow for a while now & i've seen lots of other people's posts about their struggles, worries and heartache of TTC but also their joys and happiness about getting pregnant. Reading them made me feel like I was a part of the journey with them in some way but until now I have never felt the need to share my own.. but last week was a pretty bad week for me & I guess I need to let it all out..

Here's a bit about me firstly-

My names Laura, I'm 22 years old & from the UK 😊 me & my husband will have been married a year next month & what a year it's been ! 😂 anyway we decided to start TTC back in December last year..so around 8/9 months now although i have known & felt the longing to have a baby for so much longer than him 😩 but I have never put any pressure on him & told him I would wait until he felt ready & so that's what we did.

So you all know the struggles of TTC, I've definitely felt them at times & over the last 8 months nothing has happened for us at all, sure there's been times when I was late & got my hopes up, only for sweet AF to show her ugly face & leave me in a crying mess for the next few days.

So at the beginning of last week I got a phone call from my brother & i was honestly glad I was sat down because he told me that him & his girlfriend were expecting their first baby. Now this shouldn't have come as a big shock to me, as me and his GF are close & I know they haven't been taking any precautions for a while now.. I told them that I was really happy for them, and don't get me wrong I am but then when I got off the phone I just broke down, it honestly felt like a blow to the stomach..😫 I was very off with people for a few days & so miserable..but then I had a talk with myself and after getting my head round the idea I knew i just needed to stop and be happy for them and understand that it will happen for me & my husband when it's meant to..

But then over the weekend just gone we had some more news.. my best friend & her husband were also expecting a baby.. and boom there I am again, another blow to the stomach and I just felt like I was dying inside.. all of these people who I love so much & they are all around me having babies at exactly the same time and I'm just being a total wreck about it all because as happy as I am for all of them and happy at the thought of becoming an auntie for the first time.. I'm also feeling really heartbroken and empty.. 😞💔

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, I guess part of me just needed somewhere to vent other than to my poor husband who is probably sick of me moaning and crying to him about it all..

I honestly applaud all you ladies on here who have the strength and courage to keep TTC & I know there's many of you who have been trying a hell of a lot longer than me.. but right now I really feel like just admitting defeat and giving it all up.. I feel like a failure to myself & my husband and honestly I'm so tired of this whole journey right now 😔 I guess I never realised how hard TTC is, but I'm definitely feeling it now. 🙄