Before I go into anything, I know a lot of women on here like to tear down other women. Please don't do that to me here. I'm very sad right now and I don't know how much more I can take at the moment.

So my husband and I have a one year old. I'm also 20 weeks pregnant. We have been together for 10 years. He's been emotionally abusive for a while and now it's just worse. I was making him breakfast and he just went off because I dribbled gravy on the stove. I stood up for myself (but not in a way that would have escalated the situation) and long story short, he ended up telling me that he's suicidal every once in a while, that for the first 6 months he didn't live or feel anything for our daughter, and that he doesn't care about anyone's happiness but his own because he only has one life. So I sat him down and addressed the depression. Got him to agree to get help (he's since been put on medication and will see a therapist). His well being is my first concern (second only to my child of course), but then he said I'm not attractive to him anymore. I lost 60 lbs. I got pregnant and had his baby. I've given him 10 years of my life. Im 20 weeks pregnant. I haven't "given up". I do my hair and makeup. I mean there are days where I can't shower and my hair is a mess and I'm in pjs all day, but I'm a mom. I can't do it all all the time. And I'm tired. Meanwhile he's gained 60 lbs and lost a lot of hair but I still find him attractive. He talks like he wants a divorce and blames me for all of his "problems" but hey have zero to do with me or a relationship. He complains that he missed out on his 20s (we didn't have kids until he was 31 and I've never been the type to hold him back. He's always been able to do what he wants. I even encourage his dreams and helped him get through school so he could have the career he wanted). He complains that he doesn't have friends (he has a lot - he just sucks at cultivating those friendships). I'm a SAHM, I go to school part time, I teach part time, and I take care of my share of the house. I can't cook well, but honestly that's the only complaint he had that was actually about me. He also said that there's nothing I could possibly do that he can't do better and that I'm one of the most fragile people he's ever met (because harsh words make me cry and I had complications with my last pregnancy, have horrible back issues with this one, and I get sick - i.e. Cold/flu once in a while).

I know I'm not pretty. I've never been that girl, but my looks (minus the big belly) have improved I thought. But apparently he still thinks I'm fat and then some. It's one thing to know something about yourself and it's quite another to hear your husband say it. While you're carrying his child no less. So I'm sitting here struggling with being supportive for him and his depression, but feeling extremely hurt and scared and just awful and not being able to show that or communicate it because he will just see it as more weakness. I'm scared he will leave and I will have to have this baby alone. I put off my education so he could get his. I have no way to support myself and my kids. He wasn't like this before. He's not a "touchy feely" guy, but he's never been so emotionally abusive. He's funny and hard working and he has a temper but it's usually kept in check. I really think it's a mid life crisis and depression, but that doesn't mean he won't divorce me anyway. That doesn't mean he'll realize that I'm not where his hate and blame should be.

So my question is this: has anyone had experience with this kind of thing? I realize I'm probably talking to those in their 30s+, but I could really use some insight. Maybe some encouragement. Just please, I don't want to hear about how it's my fault because I'm ugly or fat and won't lose weight or how I shouldn't have married him - because I expressed that he wasn't always like this and that I've previously lost 60lbs.

**update** I thought I'd include a picture of myself so you can see what I mean. I'm not attractive. Pregnancy doesn't agree with me, but I'm not exactly a slob either. So one is my body, one is without makeup, and one is with (I'm aware makeup and a dress only go so far).

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