living with sexual abuse

*long story* okay so I'm here to ask for some advice. I'm 20 and over the past couple of years I went on a sort of "self discovery" because i had a bad feeling for many many years about something being wrong with me. I had an awful childhood, my parents were abusive, verbally and mentally. Around the age of 4 I started having wetting problems, and in Kindergarten I had my first bladder infection. up until i was about 12 i could not wear underwear. I don't remember having having real reason why but i would panic at the thought of it. My mom threatened me and took things away from me for years because of it. when i got older, I also couldn't wear bras for years without panic. I had severe OCD and 2 eating disorders by the time I was 6. For the past 10 years i have not gotten too close to my father without having a panic attack. The smell of him and everything makes it hard for me not to puke when around him. But back to my current situation.. about a week ago i was flooded with the memory that i had been suspicious of for most of my life. My father sexually abused me.. and i can't do anything about it. First of all, it has been hard enough to come to terms with this in the first place, but I still live in my parents house with them and my brother. Realizing this makes me wish I never went looking for answers in the first place. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for years, even though my parents don't approve of the relationship. I have yet to even tell my boyfriend because I'm simply just too scared. We decided to wait until I finish school to move out because we really cant afford it. My parents also control the small amount of tuition money that my grandma left for me, so if I moved out of the house now i couldn't afford school. I have no idea what to do now. I'm so scared to even be in this house and be around them like nothing ever happened. They also still treat me like a teenager, i follow their curfews(as far as they know). how am I supposed to be around them for 2 nor years and not go absolutely fucking nuts? should i tell my boyfriend? if yes, how? thanks y'all💛💛💛 really needing some help.