Pregnant and in recovery

So, I am a pregnant recovering heroin addict. I should probably mention that i have been four years sober as of earlier this month, so I'm not new to recovery. I'm wondering if there are any other recovering mommas on here or if there are any that are currently battling an addiction and struggling with the guilt of wanting a healthy baby but also being a slave to the drug/drink (no judgment here, I understand and I want this to be a safe place to talk)

How are y'all dealing with the emotions of pregnancy? Anyone else wish they could smoke pot for a morning sickness cure? And,here's my main question...what do you plan to do for labour? I always thought I'd get an epidural but there's narcotics in that and I don't want to risk it, but I'm terrified of the pain of natural birth. Thought?

I'm really wanting this to be a safe place so please no negative comments or replies.