I need help but nobody can help me. Im so lonely but no one can be there for me. I wont allow it. Every single body i let into my life hurt me. They hurt me so bad I've turned into a completely different person. I don't know who i am or how to get my old self back. If there was a problem i would fix it. Every time i had a problem nobody would help me fix it. I have no one. Im sure i don't need any either. You know I'm fucked if i don't even have family i can talk to. I hold all my thoughts, emotions, and feelings bottled up on the inside. This shit is tearing me apart. Im smiling on the outside and crying on the inside. I've always wondered how it felt to be that one person who felt completely alone. Now I'm that person. How do i get through the day. Im still not understanding that part. I hold knifes to my wrists but can never come to the point to slit them. Maybe i have better things to come but how much longer do i have to wait. I lost all hope. I used to be a girl who loved people, friends, family. Bright colors especially pink. Who loved the outside. Now i like dark colors like black, i cant talk to others without feeling something that i don't like to feel. Oh and i hate the outside. Again when are better days going to come.