Ok please don't judge me for this, but lately, I've been missing my old life so much. Being able to have free time, to relax, sleep, go out, even watch TV, to socialize, to feel human... I am alone all day, every day, except for Saturday's. I live in the middle of nowhere. Literally there is nothing to do here and it is 90+ degrees every day so too hot to go to the park or for a walk.

I am turning 20 in November. I used to be a normal college student. Partying, hanging out with friends, living in an apartment, etc.

then I got pregnant. I obviously wanted to keep the pregnancy, and I did, and I love my baby more than anything and could not imagine a life without her. I love being her mom, I love being with her. But, I went from that normal college life, to moving in with my boyfriends parents, away from everyone I knew, and becoming a stay at home mom... in less than a year. It was such a drastic life change.

Lately the loneliness has been really getting to me. I lost all but 2 of my friends I made in college, and my high school or childhood friends are in my hometown (which is across the country... as are my family.) so I don't hang out with anyone.

I sometimes look at old pictures and get really sad, because even the way I look has changed so much. My face used to be so much brighter, skinnier, I was put together, I looked happy. Now I'm fat, exhausted, and always in sweats. And I look at pictures at what all my old friends are doing and get major FOMO ... I feel sad because I don't even really know how to entertain my baby. She can't crawl or stand or anything yet and I feel like it's my fault because maybe I don't do enough with her? I'm just so drained that sometimes all I can do is smile at her while she plays, and I feel like I'm an actor, pretending I'm happy and enjoying it.

I just miss DOING things. I miss interacting with people. I can't afford to join any mommy and me groups and the free ones are too far away.

I hate leaving my baby, but I'm looking forward to going to class next semester. That's the only thing that has really kept me sane. I never took any time off school, and I should still graduate in a year.

But until then, I'm just so sad... idk what to do or how to stop missing my old life. I feel guilty for it. Please don't get me wrong because I love my baby so much and being a mom, it's the best thing ever. But it's soooo isolating... and boring..I just wish I had people to talk to or hang out with. Most moms are older than me anyway and I feel like they wouldn't want to befriend me so that's another isolating factor. How can I make myself feel better? I don't know what to do anymore. I cry every morning when my boyfriend leaves for work.

Solids

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